Procrastination

Procrastination. The struggle is real. Or is it?

Procrastination … it’s a topic that’s come up with many of my
personal clients lately.

And the struggle is real. Or is it?

The struggle is always in our own mind.

And… we’re the only ones who can change those thoughts.

But how?

First of all, clarify what is behind your “Task Aversiveness”:

  • Lack of confidence in your ability to succeed?
  • Expecting the process to be difficult or outcome unpleasant?
  • Maybe the goal or reward seems too far away to feel real.
  • Sometimes it comes down to difficulties in self regulation:
    being impulsive and distractible, (clicking on the  flashing ad for
    cute fall shoes… not that I would know anything about that… heh, heh).

Depending on the task or project your resistance may be any or all of these.

But good news!

By changing our thoughts ABOUT the task and our ability to complete it,
we empower ourselves to move through it, and can even enjoy it!

Below are 20 affirmations I’ve used to motivate myself (and clients)
to ditch procrastination and just “git ‘er done!” 

Print out the list, or simply pick a couple you think will help you, then
remember to repeat them to yourself next time you’re tempted to
veer off task at the wrong time. You’ve got this!

I easily discern what is the best project to be working on now
It’s easy for me to break my projects down into doable steps
I believe in my ability to do each of these small steps
I love the feeling of accomplishment I get as I complete each step
I am good at beginning a task
I am good at working through the middle of a task
I am great at following through and finishing a task
I am really good at noticing little bits of time and using them well
I am competent
I can do hard things
I love discovering my capabilities
Getting things done harmonizes with who I really am
I allow help from others and delegate parts that others can do
It’s safe for me to ask for help
I comfortably roll with interruptions and distractions
After a break I can easily jump back into my work
I love writing down my schedule, and  adding in space for play
I’m a natural action taker
I love being proactive and getting a head start on projects
Every day I am becoming more proficient at the art of follow through

Simple Breathing Exercise

Simple Breathing Exercise

Hey…got a minute?
For today’s Energy Shot I invite you to try this simple breathing exercise
4-7-8 breathing.

And seriously, I timed myself and it only took me 55 seconds
to do the whole thing!

We all know the benefits of deep breathing…

for our body:
deep breathing calms anxiety
it releases stress
it slows the heartbeat
it lowers blood pressure
it helps keep the immune system strong

for our mind:
deep breathing connects mind and heart
it brings us back to center
it helps us feel grounded
it quiets our mind
it allows us to disengage from distracting thoughts
it brings clarity and calm

So I hope you’ll take a minute and try this out:

Sitting down with your back straight
place one hand on your belly
and the other on your chest

Your belly should push your hand out when you inhale
and your belly should go in as you exhale.
This is a healthy way to breathe as it is from the diaphragm,
the way a baby’s belly naturally expands as he/she inhales.

Place the tip of your tongue on your upper palate,
on the ridge right behind your two front teeth, and
try to keep it there throughout this exercise.

Next exhale with an open mouth to let all the air out.

Now you’re all set up and ready to begin.

The next part is easy, it goes like this:
inhale quietly through your nose for a count of four
hold the breath for a count of seven
and exhale strongly to the count of eight making a
whooshing sound, and pushing out as much air as
possible for the last 3-4 counts. Pursing your lips helps,
because remember you are still holding the tip of tongue
on roof of your mouth.

Repeat three more times for a total of four breath cycles.

Dr. Andrew Weil (renown holistic health expert)
who prescribes this for his clients says to do this at least
twice a day, but never more than four breath cycles at a time.

He says doing this consistently over time can
Lower heart rate and blood pressure
Improve digestion
Eliminate insomnia
Relieve anxiety
and calls it a “natural tranquilizer for the nervous system”

WOW!
It’s simple, quick & easy to do, and can make powerful changes.

Don’t you just love how our bodies respond to simple, natural
methods so effortlessly?

 


Fall Courses Coming Up!
~ Only time offered in 2019 ~


 

Transformation Invitation

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Let me be honest…SimplyHealed is my baby. I’ve nurtured her and grown her for many years. This work has changed my life and thousands of student’s lives as well (not to mention their families and clients).

I’m usually not this bold to speak of my life’s work like this, but this email seems to be writing itself…

Because…do you feel it? Now is the time, our world needs light-workers. We need women and men of integrity who have tools that can cut the tethers of limiting beliefs, that can clean up negative emotions from the past (our own and our ancestors), that can help people be the best version of themselves.

After all, isn’t that what we are all doing? Trying to become the best version of ourselves?

SimplyHealed doesn’t just bring about transformation, it requires it. But don’t let that scare you. It happens in a subtle, elegant way, by empowering you, at your own pace, from the inside out.

I know this because for years I’ve had students return for SimplyHealed Refresher courses after they’ve been using the SimplyHealed method for awhile and, well, they are different. More positive and confident in their actions, their speech, their intentions…they often even look different!

Why am I telling you all this today?

Because my next SimplyHealed Certification Track is coming up this fall. (How appropriate, the time of beautiful change!)

September 17th – 20th, 2019
in sunny St George, UT

If you are new to my tribe, let me explain what SimplyHealed is:

It’s an Energy Healing method that is simple, graceful, thorough, effective. Tried and proven over many years by many people.

Simply put, SimplyHealed is a way to be happy. To feel light, unburdened, competent, capable.

Options:

You may attend the first 2 days only, which is the SimplyHealed for YOU Course. This gives you all the information you need to balance and release energy for yourself and your family.

If you want to delve deeper into the work, become a SimplyHealed Certified Practitioner, and set up your own healing practice (or add SH to your healing/coaching business), then the 4-day cerTrac is perfect for you!

4-days LIVE in classroom with me and new like-minded friends

PLUS online:

  • Group Training/Coaching Calls
  • Business Training (how to get started as a practitioner)
  • Personal Healing Session (to optimize your mindset)
  • Private Forum (connect with seasoned practitioners & archives of info)

AND SUPER EARLY BIRD BONUS for this class only:
Free Access to my November SH Convention: “ALIGN: Heal the Healer”

This is the only time this year I’ll be teaching these popular courses, so now’s the time to join this group and start living your truest life.

I want you to come for YOU, but I also want you to come for ALL the family members and clients you will be able to help. For the inspiring ripple effect you will create in our world.

How would that enhance your life?

As I mentioned before, attending a SimplyHealed course doesn’t just give you information, it brings transformation. Please don’t take only my word for it, learn more and check out the video testimonials from students here.

Now is the time, our world needs you to be your best self, and by doing so your light will help others rise.

Learn more, get your questions answered, and see more videos here: https://simplyalign.com/certify-2

OR, if you already know this is right for you, click here to register now.

(3-pay option ends July 16th)

I would love to teach you the effective healing art of SimplyHealed by having you attend the SimplyHealed for YOU (SH4U) 2-day training, so you can immediately begin to help yourself and your family.

OR, come for all 4-days and join this new cerTrac group beginning in September, and in 6 months from now you could have a life and a healing practice that you love!

Much love,

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PS: Feel free to forward this email to friends/family who want to learn energy healing work.

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Success

Things I Learned From A Pro-Triathlete

One of my personal favorite things to do each May is to attend the IRONMAN held in beautiful St. George, Utah. My hubby, Dean-the-dream and I enjoy being volunteers and I also especially love to find a spot by the finish line and watch the triathletes run across it.

The dedication of the athletes is so motivating, as is the support of the crowd. Over 30,000 visitors flock here during the first week each May to cheer on friends and family who are racing. I love the excitement in the air, the weather, the music, all the sights and sounds, even the  smells—the whole energy of IRONMAN week is fantastic!

I think we all love to see people get rewarded for their hard work, no matter what arena it’s in. People who have paid their dues, put in the time and effort and sacrificed to complete a big goal are such an inspiration.

For the past three years we’ve had the honor of having a few of the professional athletes stay at our home the week of the race. This year “our guy” (as we refer to him), Jackson Laundry from Ontario, Canada and his girlfriend Montana stayed with us.

Two years ago Jackson and his dad Brian (also a triathlete) stayed with us, so we already had gotten to know Jackson. That was in 2017 and as only a 23 year old at that time he took 8th place, which was awesome. This year he came in 3rd place!

Being with Jackson for a few days taught me (or reminded me) of these things that are important for success in any area of life.

1) Internal discipline: Once you’ve made a commitment to yourself, keep it despite external forces. There are always challenges that crop up while moving toward a goal, so you need to remember your big WHY and make it a priority in your life. Direction and drive must come from within.

2) Schedules and Accountability: Have a great system and a plan and then stick to it for the long haul. I love that Jackson (& Brian, his dad) have their daily training schedules from their coach online, and their fancy wrist watches actually keep track of their workouts. I’ve learned from past experience if I set up a schedule with accountability (although mine isn’t this fancy), it makes staying on course for my goals so much easier.

3) Laser Focus: Later that evening after the race, Dean asked Jackson if he heard us cheering for him and shouting his name as he went past us at a few different places on the course. He said, “No, I was too focused. It’s as tough mentally as it is physically.” This helps me remember that determined, focused action will block out the “BSO” (bright, shiny objects) that try to get my attention while moving toward a bigger goal. Mindset plays such a big role in everything we want to accomplish in our lives.

4) Support System: Such intense training has ups and downs, and a pro-athlete needs coaches, friends, family they can depend on and who understand their drive, especially during tough times. In addition, there are so many volunteers along the race route to guide, hand out water, pick up pieces of clothing, park bikes, and so many other big and little things. In life, none of us get to the finish line alone. Watching those volunteers reminded me to pay attention and give gratitude for all those “helpers” in my own life.

5) Competition can be positive: I noticed anytime Jackson spoke of one of the other pros, it was always with respect and admiration. He honored their achievements in such an uplifting way. Even in competitive situations, or when tempted to compare to others, speaking well of others will always raise you up.

6) Pause to honor your achievement: After you’ve hit a goal, take time to celebrate before going right on to the next one. Both Jackson and Brian have their races planned out for the year, so they achieve one goal, have a few days to enjoy that (and learn from it), then keep moving onto the next goal. For sure, don’t miss the celebration, but also don’t rest on your laurels too long before moving on.

Have a SIMPLY great week ~
Shine On,
Carolyn

Affirmations and Detox

“Today” – Try it with these Affirmations!

I’m giving you a list of affirmations today, because I recently got a fun little insight on a better (perhaps?) way to say them. I’ll explain…

So, I’m on day 19 of the Green Smoothie Girl’s 26-day detox and feeling GRRREAT! This is my third time doing it since last January, as I feel it’s really helpful for my body to do it twice a year.

There are different phases of this detox focused on different organs (kidneys, liver, gall bladder), so we eat/drink different foods/juices depending on the phase of the detox.

This is where I got my insight that’s super simple and has been really helpful for me! Almost there, keep reading…

When I’m doing positive self-talk, I’ve noticed I’ve been saying the word “today” a lot. Example: Today I drink all the water required, or Today I love having juice only (there are a few days like that, and I actually do like those days b/c it’s watermelon juice and watermelon is awesome!), or Today I’m happy with no salt. That way my brain knows it’s just for today and I’m fine (even though there are 26 ‘todays’).

So then I thought…how would it be if I added the word TODAY in front of my affirmations every day!

Try it for yourself…say these below, or come up with your own and begin the statement with the word TODAY. For me it makes me feel more connected to that thought and more pro-active. Try it and see what YOU think!

 

TODAY
All that I need comes to me in the right time and place.

My life is full of amazing opportunities that are ready for me to step into.

I make a significant difference to the lives of people around me.

I have the power to create change.

My potential to succeed is limitless.

I find joy and pleasure in the simple things in life.

I am a natural problem solver.

I focus on solutions and always find the best one.

I trust myself and know my inner wisdom is my best guide.

I send love and healing to every organ of my body.

I see the goodness in all those around me.

I value my uniqueness and I’m happy to be me.

 

BTW, Since I mentioned it a few weeks ago I’m still getting questions from people interested in doing this detox. Yes, there’s always a big group that starts in January, but you can sign up and do it anytime you want to, registration is open year round. So…if you heard me talk about it before and if you want to check out my Facebook Live I did answering questions a few weeks ago you can find that here:

And if you want to watch Green Smoothie Girl’s video series to get inspired about it, go here:

https://bd272.isrefer.com/go/detoxweightloss/Carolyn33/

(Full disclosure, I am an affiliate for this program b/c I love it and endorse it!)

Much love,
Carolyn

 

What is the purpose of energy healing

What is the Purpose of Energy Healing?

 

Carolyn Cooper here from SimplyHealed, where we demystify the woo-woo in energy healing and give you practical tools that you can actually use in your life to have a more fulfilling and excellent life.

I’m glad you’re here. I did a live video last week, and I said throw me your questions and let’s see what what I can do to help answer those for you. Questions about energy healing. It is much more mainstream now than it was when I started doing energy healing 20 years ago, so the question I picked – I got a lot on Facebook and then I got a lot outside Facebook – one of them was just a basic question, but I thought it was worthy of an answer. It’s what is the purpose of energy healing?

Oh, good question. So if you are new to energy healing, hopefully this will help you. If you’re a pro at it, you’d know a lot about it, you’ve been doing it a long time, hopefully something in what I say will help you when you’re trying to explain it to other people as well.

So first of all, let me say what energy healing is. It’s restoring balance to the energy of the body. We have these physical bodies with circulatory systems, skeletal system, muscular system, all these different systems that just work beautifully together within the physical body. We also have energies and different energy systems that need to communicate, and each do their thing. I call it their calling. Each part of the body has its certain calling that it does. There’s intelligence in every cell and each part. Each energy system has its own calling that it does and that we need to help it stay on track, so energy healing is basically… I see everything in pictures in my mind, so I’m going to give you a picture here, like a little stream or a river. If it’s flowing and it just gets mud and garbage and all sorts of things in there, it blocks the flow, so it cannot have a smooth flow and it cannot nourish the grass down the sides of it, and it can’t be clean water flowing to irrigate gardens or wherever it is going on its way.

I see our energy systems like that. They can get blocked up. The energies will get dammed up sometimes and it just keeps us from being our best selves mentally, emotionally, and physically. It helps with all of those. So mentally, we can get trapped emotions. I usually don’t use that word trapped. Stuck emotions. I don’t think they’re trapped. I think that sounds like they can’t move on their own unless someone saves them, but they can move on their own. We just need to have the right environment so that they can, but they do get stuck and it can really clog things up, and so we release the limiting beliefs and the emotions that go along with those, and as you know, our emotions come from our thoughts and a thought is just a thought. You have the power to change a thought. I’m going to do a whole other video about that down the road because it’s not a circumstance that makes us feel a certain way, it’s our thoughts about the circumstance, so that’s a different video, but those are things that can create imbalances in our energy, as our thoughts.

We inherit generational patterns in our DNA. I’ve taught that for many, many years, and I’m super excited now that science is actually proving that. There’s a lot of science about epigenetics and all of that branch of science now, which is super exciting. Energy healing, the purpose of it is to help balance and align all our different energy systems. In SimplyHealed I teach you how to do that with all seven energy systems. I believe there’s seven. Seven is a sacred number, and some people say more, some people say less. It doesn’t matter as long as the intent is to heal and to help. So some of those are, if you’re not familiar with that, the chakra system, the meridians, which is the basis for the Chinese acupuncture system, your aura, which is the energy around us, and then there’s four lesser-known ones that I won’t go into in this video. So basically, it’s to keep our energies balanced so that our mind can think clearly and our emotions feel good. We can live in joy and so our physical body can heal and work the way God created it to do, without blockages in the energy.

I’m going to tell you a little story. When I knew I was going to do this Facebook Live on this particular question, I had 10 different ideas of where I could go, and I thought you know what? I’m going to save all of those for other videos. I’m just going to try to focus on this one, just take one of those, and so I wanted to tell you about when many years ago, one of my neighbors had said to me she had a problem with energy healing. She thought it was from the dark side and that it was really bad, and there are people I’m aware, I know there are people who think that because they don’t understand that it’s actually quantum physics. There’s an actual thing with energy and we are all energy. We are made out of energy. This body is just a dense form of that, but what she said to me was, “I know you, and I know you believe in God and I know you believe in prayer. Why would you possibly need something like this?”

So basically she was saying what’s the purpose of what you’re doing? She went on to tell me it was bad and wrong, and I’m pretty sure she won’t see this video, but if she does it’s okay. I’m sending her love. It was a good experience. So she was like, “Why do you need that? Why do you need that?” And what came to my mind, I just said to her, “Do you go to the dentist if you have a tooth that needs work?” “Well, yes.” “Do you take your kids to the doctor if they’re sick and you believe they need something from a doctor for that?” She’s like, “Well, of course.” I’m like, “Why do you do that? Because I know you believe in God and you believe in prayer as well. Why don’t you just have the faith and pray that they’ll heal?” She’s like, “Whoa, that’s not the same to me.”

I think it’s the the same thing. Yes, I believe if you have enough faith, that yeah, you could heal anything, and if it’s God’s will, but the doctor and the dentist, and whoever else we go to in our lives, though they’re tools to help us. Our body has an innate wisdom. Our body knows how to heal itself. We just need to help it get there. Feed it the right fuels, get enough sleep, get some movement, clear your energy, and so all of those things are super important.

Anyway, so back to my story. Why do you need it? What’s the purpose of energy healing? But, as my neighbors put it, “why do you need that?” It’s just a tool. It’s a tool. I will take any tool that is light and joyful and good, and leads me to be a better person. I will take any of those tools to help me have a better life and help my family have a better life. It doesn’t replace prayer if you’re a prayerful person. It doesn’t replace your morning meditation if you’re a meditator. It doesn’t replace exercise. It doesn’t replace anything. It’s just a tool, an addition. The purpose is to keep us balanced, healthy, strong, joyful. That’s it.

So I hope you have a great day, and if you have any other questions put them in the comments below. I’ll be back again answering other questions. Thank you. Thank you for your comments. You guys are awesome, and if you want to learn more about energy healing, I’ve got online courses at SimplyHealed.com. I always have live courses coming up. I actually have a certification course coming up soon that you can find all of that on SimplyHealed.com. I would love to help you on this journey. Have a great day.

Conquer Your Fears and Empower Yourself

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by fear—so much so that it prevented you from doing something you wanted to do? Believe it or not, this is a common problem faced by many people every single day.

Fear has the power to hold you back from taking risks, following your dreams or becoming successful at anything you attempt to do. If you allow it to control you for long enough, it can eventually erode your quality of life and keep you locked in a prison of inactivity.

What many people fail to realize is that fear is nothing more than a conditioned response. It’s a natural reaction to a frightening or unfamiliar situation. While it is usually automatic, there are things you can do to overcome it. Here are three…

Check Your Expectations

One major contributor of fear is the prevalence of negative expectations. Do you usually find yourself expecting the worst in every situation? Do you worry obsessively about what could go wrong, rather than focusing on your strengths and capabilities?

If you make a conscious effort to expect the best, see the positive side of each situation and keep reminding yourself that you can handle more than you think, you’ll find yourself with much less fear to deal with. Even if feelings of fear do manage to creep into your consciousness, you’ll still be able to keep them in perspective and balance them against an underlying sense of confidence.

Discredit Your Fears

Experts will tell you that the majority of things you fear will never come to pass anyway. While this may be true, it sure doesn’t feel that way when fear has a choke hold on you! However, if you look a little more closely at your fears when they arise, you may be able to dismiss at least a few.

For example, if you have a fear of public speaking but you want to give a presentation at your local Chamber of Commerce, you might feel like your entire business reputation is on the line. You may fear stumbling over your words or worry that your colleagues will lose respect for you if you don’t do a good job.

But is any of this likely to happen? In most cases, no. Rather than spend your time worrying about what “might” happen if you don’t give a solid presentation, spend it brainstorming ways to help improve your performance, such as being well prepared, practicing your delivery on friends and family members, writing notes to yourself and so on.

Do the Very Thing You Fear

When you remember that fear is simply a feeling, it loses much of its power. It can’t harm you. Except in truly threatening situations, you can choose to ignore it and move forward anyway.

If you weigh the pros and cons in any situation, you may decide that the possibility of negative consequences is minimal so there’s nothing to stop you from ignoring your fear and going for it!

You will determine this on a case-by-case basis, of course. The point isn’t to become reckless with your decision-making but rather to empower yourself to know when a fear is groundless and easily overcome. You’ve got this my friend!

Author’s content used under license, © Claire Communications

Brenè Brown says…

I’m long-time a Brenè Brown fan. She just seems to put my feelings into words so much better than I ever can.

In her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, Brenè defines connection as:

“the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued;
when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive
sustenance and strength from the relationship.”

A big part of my work is helping people with CONNECTIONS, first of all with themselves: body, spirit, heart, and mind. Also by energetically releasing negative thought patterns and emotions so they can connect to their purpose and to the best version of themselves.

I also help my students with connections to others by teaching them how to clean up “energetic clutter” between two people. Any relationship- romantic, or co-workers, or parent/child, etc. can get negative and uncomfortable emotions in the mix from time to time, and it’s so great to have energy clearing skills to help balance those emotions. What I know to be true is,

connecting with other people on an authentic level is not only an
important skill…it’s needed now more than ever in our families, and in
business it is the new currency for success.

Having and keeping a healthy, positive connection to our own hearts and with our family and friends is the sweetness of life, because after all, as human beings we are hard-wired for connection. Brenè says:

“The need for connection makes the consequences of
disconnection that much more real and dangerous.”

If you’re feeling the need for more authentic connection in your life I’d love to help you leave the danger of disconnection behind and step into the powerful vibration of CONNECTION at one of my upcoming events.

If either one speaks to you go ahead, follow the nudge, click the link and check it out, and feel free to email support@carolyncooper.com with any questions.

SimplyHealed for YOU training November 2 & 3, 2017
Learn for yourself how to do graceful, effective energy healing to strengthen your CONNECTIONS (and a WHOLE lot more) EARLY BIRD special for this class ends FRIDAY 29th!
Learn more here: https://simplyalign.com/simplyforyou/

Find Yourself Women’s Retreat October 16-19, 2017
Enjoy the stunning beauty of Zion Canyon in the autumn, where you’ll Clear your mind, Calm your body, Claim your spirit, and CONNECT to your heart.
Learn more here: https://simplyalign.com/retreat/

Have a SIMPLY great day!

What’s In YOUR Genes?

One of the many healing parts of my SimplyAlign work is cleaning up the energetic DNA, and releasing emotions from the traumas, abuse, persecution, war, etc. that our ancestors lived through and science now proves we really do inherit. It’s powerful stuff, and clearing these emotions can make such a difference in how we feel, how we then behave, and what we can ultimately accomplish.

I’ve done this generational work for years, it’s so fascinating to learn what we have inherited and see how lives change when those limiting emotions are released.

I was recently working with a client, I’ll call her Amy (not her real name) who had struggled her whole life with not feeling good enough. No matter the situation, she always felt she was “less than” everyone else.

She explained to me how she longed to be a person who didn’t come home after every social gathering she attended and berate herself.

“Did I say the wrong thing? Was I too awkward when meeting that new person? Did they understand what I meant, or did I offend someone? Were my clothes too dressy? Too casual?”

She told me how she knew she had missed out on many opportunities for friendships, career advancement, and fun because of this. But what she really feared was how her insecurities could affect her children. This was the most painful part for her.

Amy had done some personal work on this, and as she put it was “way better than she used to be.” But there was still something holding on that she just couldn’t seem to shake!

As I worked with her in a session what came up very strongly was that this feeling of inadequacy had been carried in her family lines for many generations. On her father’s side, feeling belittled, ridiculed, even persecuted were the words and emotions that came up during that session. SimplyAlign can release those stuck emotions in a a graceful yet thorough way, so that’s just what we did for Amy.

She later reported to me that she now understands that she is truly an important person, with an important life to live, just like everyone else, and that owning her power in this way has changed how she is as a mom, wife, friend, employee. Those scared-of-not-being-good-enough voices in her head rarely show up now. It’s beautiful to see the change in her countenance, her actions, even the way she walks into a room.

If you have ancestors (that’s you), learning this information is essential! Click the link below to learn more about generational healing and how it affects your family, on my free online webinar called:

Generational Healing:
The missing link to your success and happiness

Click here to learn more.

Top 10 Barriers to Connection

When people come to us with a problem, it’s easy to lapse into behaviors that—although usually well-meaning—serve to block us from hearing the other person’s experience. We’d be better off following the words of this inside-out saying: “Don’t just do something; stand there”…and try not to:

  1. Counsel. Seek not to advise solutions (until asked) but listen and reflect back the person’s experience.
  2. Defend. When you explain, justify or rationalize, you invalidate the other’s experience. You can create a time to offer your experience, but for now, just listen.
  3. Shut down. This happens in parenting when we say things like: “Stop crying. It’s not that bad.” Children are more likely to stop crying when they feel they’ve been heard.
  4. One-up. Saying, “Oh, that’s nothing! Listen to what happened to me!” gives the message, “Your experience doesn’t count.”
  5. Reassure. It’s OK for people to feel their feelings. When we try to console (“It’s not your fault; you did the best you could…”), we take people out of their feelings.
  6. Pity. Sympathy and pity (“Oh, you poor thing!”) are very different from empathy, which is simply a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing.
  7. Commiserate. Sharing stories of your own similar experiences is not showing empathy; it turns the focus away from the person with the problem.
  8. Correct. First listen. After the other person feels fully understood, then see about correcting any misunderstandings or inaccurate impressions.
  9. Enlighten. Don’t attempt to educate unless your opinion is asked.
  10. Interrogate. Too many questions distract from the feelings at hand.
Author’s content used under license, © 2008 Claire Communications