Self-Responsibility Starts with an ‘I’

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In the following three scenarios what do the people have in common?

Josie is a woman in her twenties. She still lives at home with her mother who makes all Josie’sresponsibilitiesw important decisions: how to spend her money, who to go out with, even what clothes to wear. Josie is anxious and depressed.

Matt ordered a new printer for his office. When it arrived he discovered it wasn’t compatible with his computer. “Those idiots,” he ranted, “why didn’t they tell me this was the wrong printer.”

Sally and Jerry had a big fight. Now Sally’s tossing and turning in the bedroom while Jerry beds down on the sofa. Neither one is getting any sleep and both think the other should make the first move to apologize.

If your answer was “Hey, no one is taking any personal responsibility here,” you’ve got a good eye for human behavior.

Because what Josie and Matt and Sally and Jerry all have in common is a lack of self-responsibility that leaves them dependent and victimized. They’re caught up in blaming others for their problems and waiting for somebody else to come along and make their life right. Unfortunately, they’re going to have a long wait because, in the words of self-esteem expert Nathaniel Branden, “No one is coming.”

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This is the good news! Your life is in your hands. You get to make the choices, elect the options and take the actions that come with self-responsibility. It’s through the door of self-responsibility that personal power and independence enter, often hand-in-hand, bearing gifts of confidence and self-esteem.

Be clear though, self-responsibility is not the same as feeling responsible or accepting the blame for bad things that have happened or situations that are painful. We don’t all enter the world with the same trappings, and people, events or circumstances have wreaked trauma and caused wounds from which many are recovering. Self-responsibility means that when you have worked through your grief or anger or other issues, you can ask yourself: Now what am I going to do? What options do I have?

At the other end, self-responsibility doesn’t mean becoming so self-reliant you don’t ask for help when you need it or seek others’ opinions or points of view. And it certainly doesn’t mean you have to know everything, make every decision alone or take on the world single-handedly.

Rather than a heavy burden, self-responsibility can be a source of joy. Knowing you can create the life you want by accepting responsibility for yourself is a great freedom. Even saying the words aloud can produce a feeling of power and strength. Try it.

  • I am responsible for my choices and actions
  • I am responsible for how I use my time
  • I am responsible for my behavior and communication with others
  • I am responsible for achieving my desires, dreams and wishes
  • I am responsible for the work I do and the quality I bring to that work
  • I am responsible for the values I live by and standards I set

Granted, saying the words out loud can be a little scary and intimidating as well as empowering. Accepting and acting out of self-responsibility isn’t like falling off the proverbial log; it’s not that easy. It takes practice and working through and making mistakes and falling back and finding yourself in a place you didn’t want to be again. But that’s the thing about personal growth, the place to start is where you are.

It’s great to be able to muscle test how strong or weak you are on each of these to better know where to focus your changes. Don’t know how to muscle test? Visit my store for the Learning to Muscle Test DVD which teaches you how to muscle test on yourself and others.

What has helped you to overcome selfishness and become self-responsible? Join the conversation below…

Author’s content used under license, © Claire Communications

Curiosity and Results – What’s the Connection?

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Curiosity and Results - What's the Connection?Curiosity has been given a bad rap. Perhaps we grew up hearing that asking questions was rude or conveyed ignorance, or that we’d get into trouble if we were like Curious George. We might even have been warned that “Curiosity killed the cat!”

The truth is that curiosity is one of the most vital and life-affirming qualities you can bring to your life and your relationships.

Curiosity in Business

It is so easy to blame others when things go wrong. Consider being curious about your experience rather than critical. For example, instead of beating yourself up for not reaching sales goals—again—try asking yourself what was going on for you that you kept performing below your expectations? With an attitude of “how fascinating that I’ve created this” you are much more likely to help yourself find new solutions to attaining your goals.

Curiosity in Life

Helen Keller said, “Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all!” When you cultivate an attitude of curiosity, doors open and adventures begin; questions lead to new possibilities. For example, asking yourself, “What do I want to learn now and where might that lead me?” can set you on a journey of exciting exploration that moves you forward. If, instead, you come from the place of “I already know what I need to know,” you shut off the possibility of discovering something new that could rock your world.

Curiosity in Relationships

How often we assume we know what someone else is thinking or experiencing. What if we came from a place of not knowing and offered others an invitation to speak? According to Sharon Ellison, creator of Powerful Non-Defensive Communication, “A non-defensive question is innocently curious, reflecting the purity of the child who asks how a flower grows or what makes an airplane fly.” We invite others to share their true experience when we ask questions without hidden agendas and to clarify understanding.

Practice Cultivating Curiosity

Here are some ways to cultivate a more curious life:

Go outside. No matter the weather, the world is full of fascinating things waiting to be discovered. Go for a walk (especially barefoot in the grass!) or a bike ride. Bring someone with you and make discovery a game.

Ask questions. Did you hear something interesting on the radio that you’ve never heard before? Google it! See what else there is to know. Practice asking questions with openness and neutrality. Practice with strangers in stores and with people close to you. Stop thinking you know all the answers…be open to being surprised! An inquiry is an open-ended question designed to broaden your perspective. For example: “What would make life a daring adventure for me?” “Where in my life do I assume I already know?”

Look or listen closely. Rather than rush through your day take a moment to stop and “smell the roses.” What colors do you see? What expressions are people wearing? What sounds make up your environment? Can you identify them?

Challenge your assumptions. These impact how we treat strangers as well as loved ones. Start by asking, “What if that’s not true?” What other choices might you make then?

Play I Spy. Take on a new skill or learn something new from a friend. Be Curious!

If you truly want to expand your excitement, joy and fulfillment in life and relationship, sprinkle liberal doses of curiosity and watch your life become the fabulous adventure it can be!

Share with us how you have cultivated curiosity in your life! Join the conversation below…

Author’s content used under license, © Claire Communications

Ten Ways to Simplify Your Life

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Ten Ways to SImplify your lifeThese days a chorus of thousands has taken up Henry David Thoreau’s advice to “Simplify, simplify.” And for good reason. Few among us would deny our lives are too complicated and filled with too much stress.

Simplicity is about eliminating clutter – from your mind, your home, your relationships and your lifestyle. Following are ten ways to begin.

1. Get a clear idea of what you want your life to look like. This picture will help you discover what you must eliminate.

2. Let go of projects, roles or self-imposed obligations that take up time and keep you away from what you really want.

3. Say ‘No’ to what you don’t want in your life. Say Yes to what you do want.

4. Schedule “break” days for yourself where you don’t do anything but what you really want. Don’t cancel them.

5. Make a “to do” day and get all those chores and errands done in a single day.

6. Create space. File away or toss out; give away, sell or trade.

7. Make and return phone calls only during certain hours.

8. Shop only when you have to. Question your purchases. Consuming less is good for the planet, too.

9. Ask for and accept help. Delegate chores. Hire work done when possible.

10. Remember to breathe, to ground yourself and be physically present.

Simplifying means making choices that will improve the quality of your life.

*Bonus* A gratitude list will help you discover what really matters to you. Let’s start a list together! Join the conversation down below in the comments section! I’m looking forward to seeing what you are grateful for!

 

Author’s content used under license, © Claire Communications

How Well Do You Stay in the Present?

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How Well Do You Stay in the Present?The way to live a full and rich life, to deepen our connections with others and to experience true intimacy is by staying in the present moment. Yet much of what we do and how we live takes us out of the present and ricochets us into some unknown future or drags us back into the mire of the past. Other times, we simply “space out,” disconnect from where we are, who we’re with, and what we’re doing.

The great spiritual teacher Thich Nhat Hanh said mindfulness is to be present in the present moment. Take the following quiz to discover how much, and in what ways you detach from the present moment.

T/F 1. I have a tendency to live in the future, projecting into tomorrow, or next week or even years from now.

T/F 2. I spend much of my time thinking about the past, replaying conversations or reliving incidents or events, or I play “what if” in my mind.

T/F 3. Sometimes when I’m in conversation with someone, I can’t remember what was just said.

T/F 4. When eating a meal, my family often watches TV or videos or reads.

T/F 5. In talking with someone, I think of how I’m going to respond rather than listening to what the other person is saying.

T/F 6. I tend to worry.

T/F 7. I try to figure out how things will work out or what someone else will do.

T/F 8. I allow the telephone or pager to interrupt whatever I’m doing.

T/F 9. I often/frequently hope for something better or different.

T/F 10. I often/frequently dread something worse will happen.

T/F 11. I find myself always busy, with never an empty or spare moment.

T/F 12. When I am feeling uncomfortable in a situation, I change the subject or get up and move around, or get something to eat/drink/smoke/do.

T/F 13. In some situations, I find myself getting sleepy or yawning when I’m not really tired.

T/F 14. I find it difficult to maintain eye contact when I’m talking with someone.

T/F 15. Sometimes I can’t remember what I just read or I don’t know what just took place in the movie or video I’m watching.

T/F 16. When I’m with certain people, we talk about others (gossiping, discussing shortcomings or talking about their problems).

T/F 17. I take my cell phone everywhere and it’s always on.

T/F 18. My conversations with others tend to be about superficial subjects.

T/F 19. Rather than staying with my emotions and naming them (“I am feeling…”), I attempt to alter the feelings.

T/F 20. In my family or with my partner, we watch TV programs that we don’t really care about rather than interact with each other.

Many of us may feel a push-pull when it comes to intimacy. We want to be closer to others, but the vulnerability that it demands is too frightening. Or we may feel restless or distracted or just plain uncomfortable when we attempt to stay in the present.

If this quiz brought up some things for you that you’d love to do some energy work on to release negative triggers, please visit my Certified SimplyHealed™ Practitioner page. These wonderful Certified SimplyHealed™ Practitioners can help you feel more peace, joy and balance in your life!

Author’s content used under license, © Claire Communications

Top 10 Ideas for Journaling

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Top 10 Ideas for JournalingIt has been said that journaling is a voyage to the interior. Inside of all of us is a unique wisdom that can inform our choices and enhance our experience of life. Once we tap into that, we realize that we know more than we thought we did. One potent way to access this wisdom is through journaling. I love the answers I find when I relax, put pen to paper, and just begin writing. Sometimes I write about weird or silly thoughts until something better and more constructive comes out. But the trick is to sit down and begin.

Here are 10 ideas to help you mine for gold with a pen:

1. Free write. Write as fast as you can—whatever comes to your mind—without regard to spelling, punctuation, etc. This “brain dump” helps you clear your mind and prepare for the day.

2. Write about your childhood. Write specific memories and notice any trends that occur or insights you have about your present life.

3. Free associate. One word sparks another and so on. Watching where your mind takes you can help you get “underneath” issues you may be dealing with.

4. Create timelines, graphs or word clusters (aka “mindmaps”). Use these tools to explore trends, patterns and different perspectives.

5. Write letters. Clear up issues or unfinished business. Even if you never end up sending it, writing can clear up stuck energy.

6. Draw or collage. You know the saying, “A picture is worth a thousand words.”

7. Keep an idea journal. Jot down ideas that come to you throughout the day.

8. Make lists. Fears, things you’re grateful for, aspirations, animals in your dreams, etc. Making lists aggregates information in ways that give you a big picture view.

9. Ask and answer questions. Pretend someone is interviewing you about an issue and answer their question. You may be surprised by what comes out of your mouth or pen.

10. Record your dreams. What do the images and feelings in them tell you?

Author’s content used under license, © 2008 Claire Communications

How to Create A Balanced Relationship

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How to Create A Balanced RelationshipWhether they are married, in a relationship or single – most people would say they want to have a balanced relationship with their significant other.  But what does a balanced relationship look like and how do you maintain it?

The fact is, we all relate to people in different ways: Dependently (or codependently), Independently and Interdependently.

Dependent/codependent:
In these relationships one person sets aside his or her personal welfare to maintain the relationship. This dynamic implies that the codependent person in the relationship can’t survive independently of the other person.

Independent:
In this configuration, the couple lives mostly separate lives. For example, they have different friends, are rarely together and make decisions autonomously. They may live separately as well and they are fine with that arrangement.

Interdependent:
In this type of relationship, two people are intimate with one another but don’t compromise or sacrifice themselves or their values. This dynamic is about collaboration and cooperation. Each person is self-reliant (physically, emotionally, financially, etc.) and, simultaneously, responsible to the other.

While it’s possible to find happiness, at least temporarily, in all three types of relationships, the Interdependent relationship is generally considered the model for a balanced relationship.

What do you do if you don’t consider your relationship to be balanced? With a little information and effort it’s possible to attain a balanced relationship.

1. Find Inner Balance by:
• Focusing on what you can control (your thoughts, feelings and actions) not what you can’t (others’ thoughts, feelings and actions).
• Noticing how you feel and, as clearly and calmly as you can, communicating those feelings.
• Recognizing and owning your issues, which will help you recognize your partner’s as well. You can be empathic and supportive without having to “fix” everything.

2. Create and Maintain a Balanced Relationship by:
• Staying present and empathic even when your partner is upset.
• Stepping back from conflicts to avoid escalation, assess the problem and make positive changes.
• Reframing the actions/reactions of your partner. For example, seeing a loved one as anxious and fearful, instead of cruel and controlling, paves the way for a more sympathetic, less confrontational approach.
• Being a good listener and focusing on the only person you can change—yourself.

3. Recognize and change old emotional patterns and blocked energetic pathways by:
• Writing down negative feelings that manifest themselves throughout your day. Then rewrite them in a positive light.
• Become aware of “triggers” that influence your mood. Many times just the awareness will lead to your ability to not be influenced by them – putting you in control.
• Write down up to 10 positive affirmations you would like to see manifested in your relationship and post them where you will see and read them often (ie. Bathroom mirror, near your computer screen, etc.)

Keep in mind that balance, like a relationship, is dynamic not static. It’s impossible to keep balance 100% of the time in every situation. Even a balanced relationship can, at times, feel like more work than play.

Remember, sometimes the focus will be more on you, other times more on your partner, and still other times when what’s best for “us” needs the focus rather than either individual.

Like a wave, there is an ebb and flow to relationships. But once we are aware of what balanced relationships look like we can better manage that dynamic.

Would you like to pull out those threads of negative emotional patterns and release blocked energy to allow your Spirit to be more open to and/or attract the relationship you desire?

This month I am having a group phone session focusing on Romantic Relationships. For those of you in a relationship this call will be focused on your relationship with your partner. If you are single we will also be releasing issues blocking you from attracting your ideal mate. So really, this call is for everyone!

Here’s what we’ll be working on:
• Releasing negative dependent/co-dependent/independent false beliefs.
• Shifting thought patterns to accept and attract an interdependent relationship.
• Instilling positive affirmations to support your raised energetic attractiveness for the relationship you desire.

To learn more about group phone sessions and to sign-up, go here.

Author’s content used under license, © 2011 Claire Communications

Thoughts Under the Stars

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Thoughts Under the StarsLast week I had the opportunity to be out in nature, sleeping under the stars. Now, I’m not a big fan of camping (the dirt, the cold nights, the out-house, lying on hard, bumpy ground, etc.), however, I do love sleeping under the stars and admiring their brilliance, majesty, and beauty. There were SO many stars in the sky last week! And I even saw several shooting stars, which always puts a big smile on my face even if I’m the only one still awake to see them.

Something about sleeping under all those stars in God’s great big sky that really brings life into perspective for me. I always think of the millions of others around the globe who are looking up at the same stars as I am, as well as people throughout history who have lived, camped, traveled, warred, and loved under this same beautiful canopy of stars -cue the song, “Somewhere Out There” from the kid’s movie “An American Tail” (yes, that’s the way they spell ‘tale’).

Somehow realizing how small I am in this huge galaxy inspires me to live bigger, live better. Here in the US it is summer, and I recognize I have many readers from other countries, where it may be a different season for you right now, but no matter the weather, have you taken the opportunity recently to really look up and connect to this beautiful Universe? I don’t do that often enough, but when I take the time to be still, look up and just listen for the inspiration that is waiting to talk to me I sense and feel juicy nuggets of knowledge that help me on my journey through life.

How about you? When was the last time you relaxed under a beautiful star-filled sky? How did that inspire you? When can you arrange to do that again? Ask yourself these questions, and/or feel free to add your comments to the blog by clicking below.

Now I am on my way to find my air mattress in my storage closet so I can set it up on my deck tonight, gaze up at the stars once again~ I am open to receiving all the inspiration I can get!

How Well Do I Love My Body?

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How Well Do I Love My Body?The topic for our group call this month is weight loss, so this month’s article encourages us to  focus on the ways our body serves us and how we can serve it, which helps us to accept—yes, even love—our bodies and to stop obsessing about appearance only.

If losing weight is one of your goals, it helps tremendously to have a loving relationship with your body. Sometimes people are afraid if they love their body as it is, and they are not the size or shape they’d like to be, that it will be more difficult to drop the extra pounds or firm up the muscles. They say, “I don’t want to love this extra weight, I want to just concentrate on loving the body I want to have instead; the body that is underneath this extra weight!”

The thing is, when you love yourself for who you truly are, and who you see yourself becoming, that vital connection strengthens you as you take better care of yourself by making healthier food choices, drinking enough water, getting enough fresh air, exercise, and sleep, so that it is much easier to lose any extra weight.

Its our thoughts about ourselves that can be damaging or productive. Furthermore, our own opinion of ourselves influences others’ opinions of us much more than we realize.

Below is a list of statements that will give you some positive ways to see your body and hopefully help you be more open in how well you love your body. As you read through these statements just notice how they feel in your body. Do you feel any resistance? Sadness? Hopefulness? Do any of them make you smile? Just observe how they land for you.

1. I do things that let me enjoy my body—dance, take a hot bath, walk, get a massage.

2. I see myself as a whole person, not just as a body.

3. I wear comfortable clothes that I really like and that feel good to my body, rather than trying to hide or camouflage my body or to follow uncomfortable fashion trends.

4. I act the way I would if I had what I consider an ‘ideal’ body.

5. I do things I enjoy and don’t let my weight or shape keep me from it.

6. I tell my body at night how much I appreciate what it has allowed me to do throughout the day.

7. I appreciate that my arms enable me to hold someone I love, that my thighs enable me
walk and run.

8. I exercise to feel good physically and clear my mind, not only to lose or maintain weight.

9. I count my blessings, not my blemishes.

10. I think of my body as a valuable gift.

12. I consider myself the expert on my body, not the fashion magazines, the cosmetics industry, the weight charts.

13. I am as “in love” with my body as an infant is.

14. I think of my body as a tool, as an instrument of my life, not just as an ornament.

15. I act as though I am my body’s ally and advocate, not its enemy.

16. I listen to my body and take its needs and wishes into consideration when making decisions.

17. I refuse to waste time criticizing my body or worrying about my appearance, and instead spend my time on something more productive.

18. When someone says, “You look great today,” I enthusiastically respond, “Why, thank you so much!”

How did you do?

Remember, your cells are very aware of every thought you have, so you never want any part of your body to feel unloved. It’s important to put as much love into your body as possible.

If you struggle in this area, I would love to help. Join me for my Group SimplyHealed™ phone session where we will be “de-fragging your bio-computer”, releasing limiting beliefs that are keeping you stuck and sluggish in the area of weight loss, and “installing” new, positive thought patterns to help you get healthy and stay healthy! Register here.

Author’s content used under license, © 2008 Claire Communications

Muscle Testing

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Muscle TestingMuscle testing is a great little tool that provides information on energy blockages, the functioning of the organs, nutritional deficiencies, and food sensitivities, among other things. It can also be used to test the body’s responses to herbs, essential oils, and other remedies. It is a non-invasive way of evaluating the body’s imbalances and assessing its needs. The body’s responses will either test strong or weak when applying slight pressure to any muscle.

I’ve taught classes on muscle testing for many years, and have noticed one thing that people really seem to struggle with.

I often get asked, “If you’re testing supplements it will always give you an answer either yes or no, and that will be a ‘Universal truth’”.

But when you’re testing for emotional issues it may test strong for someone on a negative belief they have about themselves but that is not a “Universal truth”, it is just a false-belief they have about themselves. It is just their own truth they have come to believe.”

So why does muscle-testing give the truth on
remedies, and not the ‘real’ truth for
negative misperceptions about ourselves?

Why does it work one way with remedies & supplements,
etc, and in a different way with emotions?

I can understand the confusion about this IF you are assuming that a strong response always means true and that a weak response always means false.

Think of it more in the sense of how does that resonate with what my patterns and beliefs are. Because what we are actually testing is:

Does this resonate with my body?
Does this resonate with my emotions?
Does this resonate with what my belief about this issue is?

Whenever you say or think something that resonates as true with your subconscious mind, the electrical and magnetic fields around your body actually become stronger therefore strengthening the muscle.

Similarly, when you say or think something that resonates as false with your subconscious mind, the electrical and magnetic fields around your body actually become weaker, so the muscle will test weak.

Let’s take this example of a woman who is a good mother, but is struggling in that area right now. If I test this statement on her:

“I am a good mother” and it goes weak, it is not saying that that statement is false and the truth is that she really is not a good mother – that is not a “Universal truth” It is simply showing that she has some doubts about her mothering at that time (or some stored ones) in her subconscious or conscious mind that are weakening the electrical and magnetic fields. The worry and doubt she has about it are what is making it weak.
The fact that it is not a “Universal truth” does not mean that the muscle testing is working in a different way than if we were simply testing for a supplement.
Again, we are seeing how strong or weak the energy is, not if something is true or false.

muscle test coverI hope that clears that up! Feel free to add your comments below and let me know…

If you need more clarity or want to WATCH and learn how muscle testing is done, I recommend my DVD, The Art of Muscle Testing available here. That way you can watch it as many times as you need to, practice, practice, practice and you’ll be a pro muscle tester in no time!

Special Mother’s Day Gift

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Special Mother's Day GiftCall me a party-pooper, but I’ve never really loved Mother’s Day. Oh, I’ve had some good ones over the years, also some not-so-great ones, but all in all, let’s just say it is not my favorite holiday.

Don’t get me wrong, I like being able to honor my own mother, and give her the thanks she deserves, but since she lives in a different city I don’t usually spend the day with her.

I’ve had this conversation with other moms over the years, so I know I am not alone. I think the thing is, it is a day specifically set aside where we feel (or we choose to feel) “judged” on our mothering skills. And as much as I try not to, if I’m really honest, I do find myself comparing myself to moms who seem to have it all together. I’m talking about moms who…

  • always speak in quiet tones to their children,
  • have dinner on the table every night,
  • are on the booster club of every sport their child participates in,
  • volunteer constantly at their children’s schools,
  • understand the ‘new math’ and how to explain it to their kids,
  • never miss reading with them at bedtime
  • have a healthy breakfast AND after school snack every day,
  • know how to make a delicious apple pie,
  • bake their own bread (including grinding their own wheat)
  • have an immaculate home,
  • are always caught up on laundry,
  • know the exact right words to say to get their kids to practice piano or other musical instruments every day,
  • actually have long term follow-through on chore charts,
  • have all their scrapbooks up to date,
  • know how to say “no” and mean it,

…the list can go on and on if we let it.

Mothering is so individual and such a tender topic, none of us want to go to church and hear stories of amazing mothers and feel we can’t measure up. But the truth is there is no “perfect mother”.

However, I do believe we are all “perfectly matched up” in a way that is divinely orchestrated by God, with the little souls that come into our lives and call us mama.

I trust that as mothers we are all doing the best we can. It really helps to recognize and acknowledge our own gifts, abilities, and talents, and how those fit with the needs and gifts of our children.

This year I will be traveling on Sat, spending Mother’s Day Sunday with a friend, then attending a coaching/collaboration retreat for a few days. So, I was feeling a little bad about not being home for Mother’s Day- then this idea floated in:

“Write each of your kids a sweet note telling them how much you adore them and love being their mother!”

Wow, just that thought makes me see Mother’s Day in a different (and much better) light. Instead of making it about me, (since I am the mother, after all), I now see it as a fantastic opportunity to make my kids feel special and remind them of my unconditional love for them.

I may not do all the things on that list above, but my children are mine for a reason. I am blessed that I get to be mother to these special souls. God knows my weaknesses, my tendencies, my imperfections, and he sent me the children whose personalities can help me and teach me. And boy, do we learn a lot from being a mother. And I love every second of it!