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How to Create A Balanced Relationship

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How to Create A Balanced RelationshipWhether they are married, in a relationship or single – most people would say they want to have a balanced relationship with their significant other.  But what does a balanced relationship look like and how do you maintain it?

The fact is, we all relate to people in different ways: Dependently (or codependently), Independently and Interdependently.

Dependent/codependent:
In these relationships one person sets aside his or her personal welfare to maintain the relationship. This dynamic implies that the codependent person in the relationship can’t survive independently of the other person.

Independent:
In this configuration, the couple lives mostly separate lives. For example, they have different friends, are rarely together and make decisions autonomously. They may live separately as well and they are fine with that arrangement.

Interdependent:
In this type of relationship, two people are intimate with one another but don’t compromise or sacrifice themselves or their values. This dynamic is about collaboration and cooperation. Each person is self-reliant (physically, emotionally, financially, etc.) and, simultaneously, responsible to the other.

While it’s possible to find happiness, at least temporarily, in all three types of relationships, the Interdependent relationship is generally considered the model for a balanced relationship.

What do you do if you don’t consider your relationship to be balanced? With a little information and effort it’s possible to attain a balanced relationship.

1. Find Inner Balance by:
• Focusing on what you can control (your thoughts, feelings and actions) not what you can’t (others’ thoughts, feelings and actions).
• Noticing how you feel and, as clearly and calmly as you can, communicating those feelings.
• Recognizing and owning your issues, which will help you recognize your partner’s as well. You can be empathic and supportive without having to “fix” everything.

2. Create and Maintain a Balanced Relationship by:
• Staying present and empathic even when your partner is upset.
• Stepping back from conflicts to avoid escalation, assess the problem and make positive changes.
• Reframing the actions/reactions of your partner. For example, seeing a loved one as anxious and fearful, instead of cruel and controlling, paves the way for a more sympathetic, less confrontational approach.
• Being a good listener and focusing on the only person you can change—yourself.

3. Recognize and change old emotional patterns and blocked energetic pathways by:
• Writing down negative feelings that manifest themselves throughout your day. Then rewrite them in a positive light.
• Become aware of “triggers” that influence your mood. Many times just the awareness will lead to your ability to not be influenced by them – putting you in control.
• Write down up to 10 positive affirmations you would like to see manifested in your relationship and post them where you will see and read them often (ie. Bathroom mirror, near your computer screen, etc.)

Keep in mind that balance, like a relationship, is dynamic not static. It’s impossible to keep balance 100% of the time in every situation. Even a balanced relationship can, at times, feel like more work than play.

Remember, sometimes the focus will be more on you, other times more on your partner, and still other times when what’s best for “us” needs the focus rather than either individual.

Like a wave, there is an ebb and flow to relationships. But once we are aware of what balanced relationships look like we can better manage that dynamic.

Would you like to pull out those threads of negative emotional patterns and release blocked energy to allow your Spirit to be more open to and/or attract the relationship you desire?

This month I am having a group phone session focusing on Romantic Relationships. For those of you in a relationship this call will be focused on your relationship with your partner. If you are single we will also be releasing issues blocking you from attracting your ideal mate. So really, this call is for everyone!

Here’s what we’ll be working on:
• Releasing negative dependent/co-dependent/independent false beliefs.
• Shifting thought patterns to accept and attract an interdependent relationship.
• Instilling positive affirmations to support your raised energetic attractiveness for the relationship you desire.

To learn more about group phone sessions and to sign-up, go here.

Author’s content used under license, © 2011 Claire Communications

How Well Do I Love My Body?

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How Well Do I Love My Body?The topic for our group call this month is weight loss, so this month’s article encourages us to  focus on the ways our body serves us and how we can serve it, which helps us to accept—yes, even love—our bodies and to stop obsessing about appearance only.

If losing weight is one of your goals, it helps tremendously to have a loving relationship with your body. Sometimes people are afraid if they love their body as it is, and they are not the size or shape they’d like to be, that it will be more difficult to drop the extra pounds or firm up the muscles. They say, “I don’t want to love this extra weight, I want to just concentrate on loving the body I want to have instead; the body that is underneath this extra weight!”

The thing is, when you love yourself for who you truly are, and who you see yourself becoming, that vital connection strengthens you as you take better care of yourself by making healthier food choices, drinking enough water, getting enough fresh air, exercise, and sleep, so that it is much easier to lose any extra weight.

Its our thoughts about ourselves that can be damaging or productive. Furthermore, our own opinion of ourselves influences others’ opinions of us much more than we realize.

Below is a list of statements that will give you some positive ways to see your body and hopefully help you be more open in how well you love your body. As you read through these statements just notice how they feel in your body. Do you feel any resistance? Sadness? Hopefulness? Do any of them make you smile? Just observe how they land for you.

1. I do things that let me enjoy my body—dance, take a hot bath, walk, get a massage.

2. I see myself as a whole person, not just as a body.

3. I wear comfortable clothes that I really like and that feel good to my body, rather than trying to hide or camouflage my body or to follow uncomfortable fashion trends.

4. I act the way I would if I had what I consider an ‘ideal’ body.

5. I do things I enjoy and don’t let my weight or shape keep me from it.

6. I tell my body at night how much I appreciate what it has allowed me to do throughout the day.

7. I appreciate that my arms enable me to hold someone I love, that my thighs enable me
walk and run.

8. I exercise to feel good physically and clear my mind, not only to lose or maintain weight.

9. I count my blessings, not my blemishes.

10. I think of my body as a valuable gift.

12. I consider myself the expert on my body, not the fashion magazines, the cosmetics industry, the weight charts.

13. I am as “in love” with my body as an infant is.

14. I think of my body as a tool, as an instrument of my life, not just as an ornament.

15. I act as though I am my body’s ally and advocate, not its enemy.

16. I listen to my body and take its needs and wishes into consideration when making decisions.

17. I refuse to waste time criticizing my body or worrying about my appearance, and instead spend my time on something more productive.

18. When someone says, “You look great today,” I enthusiastically respond, “Why, thank you so much!”

How did you do?

Remember, your cells are very aware of every thought you have, so you never want any part of your body to feel unloved. It’s important to put as much love into your body as possible.

If you struggle in this area, I would love to help. Join me for my Group SimplyHealed™ phone session where we will be “de-fragging your bio-computer”, releasing limiting beliefs that are keeping you stuck and sluggish in the area of weight loss, and “installing” new, positive thought patterns to help you get healthy and stay healthy! Register here.

Author’s content used under license, © 2008 Claire Communications

Muscle Testing

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Muscle TestingMuscle testing is a great little tool that provides information on energy blockages, the functioning of the organs, nutritional deficiencies, and food sensitivities, among other things. It can also be used to test the body’s responses to herbs, essential oils, and other remedies. It is a non-invasive way of evaluating the body’s imbalances and assessing its needs. The body’s responses will either test strong or weak when applying slight pressure to any muscle.

I’ve taught classes on muscle testing for many years, and have noticed one thing that people really seem to struggle with.

I often get asked, “If you’re testing supplements it will always give you an answer either yes or no, and that will be a ‘Universal truth’”.

But when you’re testing for emotional issues it may test strong for someone on a negative belief they have about themselves but that is not a “Universal truth”, it is just a false-belief they have about themselves. It is just their own truth they have come to believe.”

So why does muscle-testing give the truth on
remedies, and not the ‘real’ truth for
negative misperceptions about ourselves?

Why does it work one way with remedies & supplements,
etc, and in a different way with emotions?

I can understand the confusion about this IF you are assuming that a strong response always means true and that a weak response always means false.

Think of it more in the sense of how does that resonate with what my patterns and beliefs are. Because what we are actually testing is:

Does this resonate with my body?
Does this resonate with my emotions?
Does this resonate with what my belief about this issue is?

Whenever you say or think something that resonates as true with your subconscious mind, the electrical and magnetic fields around your body actually become stronger therefore strengthening the muscle.

Similarly, when you say or think something that resonates as false with your subconscious mind, the electrical and magnetic fields around your body actually become weaker, so the muscle will test weak.

Let’s take this example of a woman who is a good mother, but is struggling in that area right now. If I test this statement on her:

“I am a good mother” and it goes weak, it is not saying that that statement is false and the truth is that she really is not a good mother – that is not a “Universal truth” It is simply showing that she has some doubts about her mothering at that time (or some stored ones) in her subconscious or conscious mind that are weakening the electrical and magnetic fields. The worry and doubt she has about it are what is making it weak.
The fact that it is not a “Universal truth” does not mean that the muscle testing is working in a different way than if we were simply testing for a supplement.
Again, we are seeing how strong or weak the energy is, not if something is true or false.

muscle test coverI hope that clears that up! Feel free to add your comments below and let me know…

If you need more clarity or want to WATCH and learn how muscle testing is done, I recommend my DVD, The Art of Muscle Testing available here. That way you can watch it as many times as you need to, practice, practice, practice and you’ll be a pro muscle tester in no time!

Family Stress Test

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Family Stress TestStress is a natural and normal “by-product” of every family’s life. In fact, family stress can bring out the best of us: as we stretch to meet the challenges we face, we become better parents, our children blossom and our families grow. But too much stress can spiral our families in the other direction. Take this Thriving test to see how your family fares.

Set 1

1. There is a lot of bickering in our house. Someone is always angry at someone else.

2. There’s never enough time to sit down together, either to talk or to eat. There’s always too much to do.   3. My spouse and I argue a lot about how to raise the children.

4. It’s like pulling teeth to get the kids to help around the house.

5. Our family has experienced a lot of significant change recently (divorce, death, blending family, job loss, illness, other trauma).

6. Money is very tight. My partner and I have constant conflicts about how to spend it.

7. My child has been having behavioral problems at school.

8. The children get upset when they hear us arguing.

9. I work too much, and it’s really getting to me.

10. We don’t really talk about hard issues; we just try to hold our breath, wait and let them go away.

Set 2

1. We acknowledge feelings, encourage their expression and allow time for dealing with the issues these feelings raise.

2. We plan time for family activities. And we eat together at least once every day.

3. If a blended family, we maintain and nurture original parent-child relationships and let new relationships develop in their own time.

4. I feel confident in my role as parent.

5. Our family easily maintains a sense of humor and playfulness.

6. Family priorities take precedence over work.

7. I know what’s important to my kids.

8. When issues arise that we get stuck on, we ask for help from other family members, support groups, community-based programs, clergy and/or a therapist.

9. We have enough money for the important things.

10. Everyone in the family has responsibilities around the house and does them without being nagged.

If you answered true more often in the first set than in the second set, you may want to seek help lowering the stress level of your family. Families that communicate about problems, who face issues as they arise, who support one another and seek help when it is needed, can build strong bonds among themselves, nurture a healthy and loving family and have a lot more fun doing it!

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Do you have a family that puts the FUN in dysfunction? Do you cringe at the thought of spending a weekend with certain family members?

Or, maybe you have a great family, but there’s been some recent ‘upsets’ that have caused some tension or awkwardness.

And yes, even if you feel like you are the only “normal” one in your family! We are the chain-breaking generation, and it’s time to release those unhealthy patterns.

Join me for our next Group Energy Clearing Session!

Author’s content used  under license, © 2008 Claire Communications

Top 10 Actions That Say “I Love You”

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Top 10 Actions That Say “I Love You”The saying, “Words are cheap, action speaks,” is never more true than when applied to “I love you.” Whether spoken to a romantic partner, your children or other family members, if the actions aren’t there to back up the loving words, it all means nothing. Below are 10 of the best ways to say “I love you” in your actions. But there are thousands more. Take a look at these, then grab your journal or a notepad and see how creative you can get in coming up with your own ideas. Most importantly, follow through on actually doing them.

1. Greet your loved ones with a big smile, a hug and a kiss.

2. Really listen to what your loved ones are saying; give them your undivided and undistracted attention.

3. Support each other through tough times.

4. Do simple (even random) acts of kindness, such as massaging shoulders or feet, cooking a favorite meal, running a bath.

5. Spend one-on-one time with your loved ones, with no particular agenda.

6. Commit to letting go of judgment of their faults.

7. Come home on time.

8. Be impeccable with your word. If you say you’ll do something, do it, and by the time you said you’d do it.

9. Take responsibility for your part in any conflict, and then look at how you can do better next time. Step out of the blame game.

10. Share yourself and what lives deeply inside of you. This is a precious gift and conveys trust and security.

Author’s content used under license, © 2008 Claire Communications

Tips For Stress Free Holidays

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Tips For Stress Free HolidaysAh! The holidays! As a child there is nothing like the anticipation of all the joy that the holidays bring but as we grow older, it seems as though we take on some stresses that we would rather not have. Here are some tips that can help relieve the stress and tension:

Take Care of Yourself
Get regular exercise; take it easy on the caffeine, sugar and alcohol; get enough sleep; eat healthy food — all the things that are good for our well-being -you know this stuff.

Take a mini-break to get grounded
Visualize your feet being connected to the earth, those connections going through carpet, cement, etc. and down into the earth.  Also the healing energy of the earth coming back up through your feet to the top of your head and beyond connecting you to the heavens, keeping you strong and balanced.  This can be done anywhere, even standing in a line!

Let go of expectations
That things need to be a certain way
That people around you need to behave a certain way
That you need to do a lot of extra things (decorating, cards, etc) because “that’s what we’ve always done”

Delegate
It’s ok to ask for help. It’s a necessary thing, and it helps others to feel needed and wanted.

Appreciate the person next to you
Where ever you may be during the holidays -step outside your own thoughts to notice who is next to you (in a store, in your home, in your neighborhood) and say or do something kind for them. It will raise their energy and yours!

Start a new tradition
Today’s modern families may have different dynamics than those a generation or two ago. You can begin something fun and new!  My husband cooks great Chinese food.  A few Christmases ago that’s what the kids wanted for Christmas dinner, so that has now become our tradition.  Well, that certainly works for me -yum!

Zip Up
With one had trace a line a few inches out from the body, from your root to your bottom lip. This energetically “zips” you up so you can avoid taking on stressful energy around you. To go along with this, visualize a bubble of light around you.

Accupressure Point to reduce anxiety and bring on the calm
On the top of your foot, find the spot in between the big toe and your second toe.  Come toward the leg about two fingers width (about an inch or so).  Rub with your thumb and breathe through it.  This calms anxiety.  Also, if you have a headache rubbing on the front side and the bottom of the foot (same location, just on the flip-side)  at the same time can help take away some of the pressure.

“Keep it light”
Don’t overdue it.  Give yourself permission to say NO to unnecessary extras.Listen and follow your inner guidance, don’t let yourself be pressured by other people’s expectations. Remember, it’s ok to have your healthy boundaries!

I hope that these tips can give you some new ideas and some renewed energy to enjoy the holidays with those you choose to spend the time with.

9 Signs You Could Use an Energy Detox

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9 Signs You Could Use an Energy DetoxDo you ever wake up feeling exhausted, or do you feel sluggish in the afternoon? Do you look at young children and wonder where their boundless energy comes from? At 43, I knew that something needed to shift. I worked out; I ate healthy food, compared to the standard American diet. But I still felt tired. I returned to juicing and raw foods. In days, I was brimming with energy again, feeling like a 20 year younger, new and improved version of me.

Detox diets cleanse the body to restore balance. Periodic fasting is a spiritual principle, abstaining from food and drink to give the digestive system a rest. A detox diet can include drinking only purified water with squeezed lemon, green juices, and/or consuming mostly raw vegetables, fruits, and nuts. We live in an increasingly toxic world with daily exposure to chemicals, additives, harmful sugars, and pharmaceutical drugs. Our bodies can no longer function with a child’s vibrancy. We get bogged down from the toxins in our physical systems.

Similarly, our energy systems get bogged down from the mental and emotional clutter that is stored in our bodies’ cellular memory. Just as a detox diet cleans out the toxins in our bodies, an energy detox through energy work can release the toxic energetic clutter in our 7 energy systems. We accumulate mental and emotional debris through the daily experience of living.

Here are 9 signs that suggest you might benefit from an energy detox:

1) Do you have an idea or inner desire about what to do next, but your excuses overpower your will to move forward?

2) Do your emotional responses (including anger and tears) seem easily triggered?

3) Do you ever find yourself in an emotionally charged conflict with a partner or loved one that seems much larger than what the actual disagreement warrants?

4) Does your mind chatter disturb your daily measure of peace?

5) Is your relationship with a spouse or loved one clouded by the disappointments and/or resentments of the past?

6) Do your creative urges feel blocked?

7) Do you taste fear about taking the next step?

8) Do you feel cut off from trusting your intuition or receiving intuitive knowledge?

9) Do you feel disconnected from the Awesome version of yourself?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions above, consider de-cluttering from what is no longer serving you. Life is a process of learning and growth, and awareness is 50 percent of the solution to shifting one’s energy. But if you cannot clear your energy on your own, find a Simply HealedTM practitioner to assist you with cleansing from the emotional clutter. Yes, we will encounter life challenges, but it is easier to navigate without carrying around excess energetic baggage.

 

Dr. Tera Maxwell www.teramaxwell.com

About the Author
Tera Maxwell, Ph.D., Energy Coach and Simply Healed™ Practitioner, specializes in helping mama entrepreneurs release personal and money blocks, often stemming from generational and childhood memories, so they can soar in business and life. Her doctoral work on generational trauma among Filipino Americans prepared her for energy work, where she continues to share her message: We can change. Our generational and childhood baggage need not define us.  www.teramaxwell.com

Got Clarity?

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Got Clarity?Got Clarity? Replenish with your own mini-retreat!

One of my husband’s very favorite things to do is lie on a beach with no schedule to have to conform to (isn’t that everyone’s?). This isn’t always feasible, since we have busy schedules and live in the desert of southern Utah. So last week I took him to Jamaica for his birthday, and for six days, that’s what we did- enjoyed the beautiful Caribbean water and weather with no phones, computers, or agendas to stick to. Ahh…it was heaven!

It got me thinking…why don’t I add little mini-retreats like this into my life on a more regular basis?  Well, I mean without the amazingly clean smell of the ocean air, the sand between my toes, and meal prep all taken care of for me.

But I can still derive some of the benefit of big get-aways like this by finding ways in my everyday life to retreat and renew. Here is my list I came up with of things I can do to replenish my soul when my cup is nearing empty-or hopefully before! As you read through it notice ways that you can create a retreat yourself, without spending a ton of time or money, and without even leaving your own home if you don’t want to.

1. Visit a local art museum. Are you familiar with all the local talent in your area? I know I’m not, and would like to be. I’ve definitely calendared this for next month.

2. Take your camera and a notebook and go explore a part of your city that you have never really explored (as long as it’s safe). Take pictures, and journal about what you’ve discovered. Doesn’t this sound fun? I’m SO doing this!

3. Go to an afternoon matinee –all by yourself!

4. Spend a day in the garden, or the container pots, or community garden, or any other way to get your hands in the earth

5. Re-connect with an old friend over lunch –Who is the first person that came to your mind? Call him or her.

6. Go for a hike. Even an hour or two of one-on-one time with Mother Nature can reap huge relaxation rewards.

7. Plan a day off just to read! I tend to have several books partially read in different rooms throughout my house. Hmm..imagine taking a day to finish all those up and start new ones!

8. Do a media fast for a few days or even a week. Turn off all input—TV, radio, stereo, newspaper, internet, and see what amazing insights are there in the peacefulness for you.

9. Get a massage –it’s especially great if you know a massage therapist who does house calls. Be sure to follow that with down-time.

10. Take a long bath – add some candlelight, bath salts or essential oils, and relaxing music.

11. Spend a day doing what you love, not what you feel obligated to do. Give yourself permission to put your to-do list away for a day and enjoy yourself with no pressure to get something done! Don’t worry, you’ll probably get twice as much done the following day.

12. Take a class:  self-defense, cooking, dance, zumba, yoga, tai chi. Try something new you’ve always wanted to do.

I hope these suggestions spurred some ideas for you, and that you will follow through on giving yourself a mini-retreat often. Remember that when you take ‘retreat time’ it is a gift to yourself and to those around you. We bring our best selves to the world when we are replenished, refreshed and relaxed!  After all, it’s the pauses between the notes that make the melody beautiful.

ASK Carolyn -Replay

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Although energy healing is getting more widely accepted all the time, there are still many, many people who know very little about it.

Each month (usually the 3rd Wed) for 30 min, during lunch-time (depending on what time-zone you are in) I offer an “ASK Carolyn” call.  On this call I answer questions that people have written in about my unique method, SimplyHealed, or anything about energy healing in general.

The response has been great!  I usually have a big crowd listening in, and I am so happy to have a chance to teach more about this wonderful way of healing emotionally, mentally, spiritually.

 

Here is a link to a replay of one of my recent ASK Carolyn calls:

http://InstantTeleseminar.com/?eventid=24373092

Feel free to download it and/or pass it on to friends.

 

The questions answered on this call are:

Is it ok to do a lot of different energy methods?

How long does it take for the body to make adjustments after the energy is cleared?

Can one send healing energy to another without being asked?

How can I know what my gifts and talents are?

How should I deal with a family member who shuts down and won’t communicate?

Can SimplyHealed help someone grow a new tooth?

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Great questions, right?

To listen to my answers, click this link:

http://InstantTeleseminar.com/?eventid=24373092

I hope you’ll join me for an upcoming

ASK Carolyn call. 30-min, 3rd Wed, each month.

Go here to send in a question for the next call:

www.CarolynCooper.com/ask-carolyn

 

 

Q&A 1: Why Doesn’t Energy Therapy Work for Me?

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Question: Why don’t I feel like the energy work that’s been done on me in the past isn’t working like it should? Read more