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Top Ten Things to Say to Yourself

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Top Ten Things to Say to YourselfOften the things we say to ourselves we wouldn’t even think of saying to another person. We blame, shame, call names of the meanest sort, nag, belittle and bully ourselves through self-talk.

What if, instead, we were more gentle with ourselves, asked ourselves questions and listened to the responses. What if we treated ourselves as we treat a best friend, someone we love dearly. Here’s a Top Ten list of loving things to say to yourself.

1. What do you feel? Asking ourselves what we feel can help put names to, and identify emotions. Listening for the response and being honest with ourselves is like taking our emotional temperature.

2. What do you need? A need is different from a want. Whereas a want states a desire, a need is usually a statement about nurturing. Pay attention to your needs, they’re about caring for yourself.

3. Good job Congratulate yourself on a job well done whether it’s mowing the lawn, writing a poem or cleaning the bathroom. Give yourself a verbal pat on the back.

4. I apologize Saying “I’m sorry” for all the wrongs we have done ourselves can be the first step in healing.

5. Let’s play Lighten up and be playful. Listen to what comes up when you suggest play.

6. Breathe Reminding ourselves to breathe helps relieve tension, gives us that moment we sometimes need to center and ground ourselves.

7. I forgive you Sometimes it’s easier to forgive others than to forgive ourselves. Yet, to have closure and to move on, often means we have to forgive ourselves.

8. Let go Releasing worries, resentments, anger, fears loosens the grip of resistance and makes room for growth.

9. Be present Staying present, being aware of the physical, acknowledging the moment, this is when we are truly alive. (In case you missed it, I shared with you the top 10 ways to stay present.)

10. I love you We say it to others, why not say it to ourselves. Say it again.

Have you noticed a difference in the way you talk to yourself? Have you made any changes? What have you see happen when you started talking positively to yourself? Share your thoughts with us  below!

Author’s content used under license, © Claire Communications

Holiday Blitz or Holiday Bliss?

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Holiday Blitz or Holiday Bliss Top Ten Tricks to Stay PresentTop 10 Ways to stay Present.

With the holidays upon us, life can get busier than usual and it’s easy to get overwhelmed, if we don’t stay present in the moment.

Paying attention and keeping the intention to fully ENJOY this week before Christmas makes all the difference between Holiday Blitz and Holiday Bliss.

Try these ten ways to enhance your enjoyment during the holidays.

1. Be present in the moment. Pay attention to the details: Notice the sound of children’s laughter, the meaning of the words in the Christmas carols, the texture and flavor of the food you eat, literally stop to smell the roses (or the gingerbread in this season).

2. Make a list of what you want to accomplish today. List only the portion of a major project that can be completed today. Include pleasures as well as tasks.

3. Concentrate on the task at hand. Give it your best, most often complete is better than “perfect”.

4. Journal first thing every morning to empty your mind of worry and chatter. Write three pages without stopping; it doesn’t need to be grammatically perfect, just let your thoughts flow.

5. Allow thoughts and feelings come and go without judging them. Neither cling to nor reject them. Just breathe.

6. If you feel yourself getting irritated in traffic, or long shopping lines, or with family members, remember you have the power to change your thoughts and responses in each moment. Find three good things about the situation.

7. Don’t try to juggle everything in your mind. During the day when you think of something you don’t want to forget, jot it down, or put it in a note in your smart phone.

8. Be where you are. When you find yourself drifting off elsewhere, a gentle reminder to “be present” can help.

9. Take a moment to transition yourself from place to place and task to task.

10. This time of year reminds us to let go of the past. Make amends, forgive, grieve. Ask for help if you’re unable to let go.

Do you have other ideas that have allowed you to BE more present in your life each day? Share it with us below!

Author’s content used under license, © 2008 Claire Communications

Are You Too Cautious?

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Are you too cautiousHelen Keller, blind and deaf educator, said: “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” Sometimes it’s wise to be cautious, particularly when physical safety is at stake. However, when we play it safe simply to protect our ego or heart, we may close off possibilities that could bring us greater joy and fulfillment. Life is what we make of it, shaped by our choices. What are you choosing? Answer “true” or “false” to the following statements to discover if you are too cautious.

Set 1

  1. Life doesn’t feel safe. I’m content with things as they are and prefer to stay in my “comfort zone.”
  2. I’m afraid something bad will happen if I veer off my usual course. I feel safer and more confident when I stick to what I already know.
  3. I frequently worry “what if…?” If I can’t be certain of the outcome, I won’t take the risk. Being rejected, looking stupid and failing are not options.
  4. I know there are business and romantic opportunities I’ve missed out on because of being so risk-averse.
  5. My fear of the unknown is paralyzing. When I look at my life, I have many regrets about things I didn’t do.
  6. I feel bad about myself for being so cautious. I think of myself as a coward and I expect that others see me that way, too.

Set 2

  1. I am committed to growing myself bigger than my fears. It’s not that I’m unafraid; it’s just that I am more committed to my goals and know the cost of playing it safe.
  2. Developing courage is like building a muscle. The more I practice taking risks, even small ones, the more empowered I feel.
  3. ­­­­When I have a goal or dream that feels big and scary, I minimize feeling overwhelmed by “chunking it down” into more manageable, short-term steps.
  4. I enlist the support of those who can help me move beyond my comfort zone to a more fulfilling life.
  5. When I take risks, I trust I can handle whatever comes. If I fall, I know that I can get up again. I don’t conclude that I shouldn’t have tried or that I’m a failure.
  6. My biggest successes have come when I’ve taken a big leap of faith.

 

If you answered True more often in Set 1 and False more often in Set 2,  it sounds like you are ready to move beyond your comfort zone to live a more fulfilled life. A great place to start is with my “Fear Busting” group call coming up in Dec. It will help eliminate the underlying reasons why you hold yourself back in many situations, so you can step into your courageous self and create a life that rocks!

Go here for more info and to register.

Self-Responsibility Starts with an ‘I’

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In the following three scenarios what do the people have in common?

Josie is a woman in her twenties. She still lives at home with her mother who makes all Josie’sresponsibilitiesw important decisions: how to spend her money, who to go out with, even what clothes to wear. Josie is anxious and depressed.

Matt ordered a new printer for his office. When it arrived he discovered it wasn’t compatible with his computer. “Those idiots,” he ranted, “why didn’t they tell me this was the wrong printer.”

Sally and Jerry had a big fight. Now Sally’s tossing and turning in the bedroom while Jerry beds down on the sofa. Neither one is getting any sleep and both think the other should make the first move to apologize.

If your answer was “Hey, no one is taking any personal responsibility here,” you’ve got a good eye for human behavior.

Because what Josie and Matt and Sally and Jerry all have in common is a lack of self-responsibility that leaves them dependent and victimized. They’re caught up in blaming others for their problems and waiting for somebody else to come along and make their life right. Unfortunately, they’re going to have a long wait because, in the words of self-esteem expert Nathaniel Branden, “No one is coming.”

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This is the good news! Your life is in your hands. You get to make the choices, elect the options and take the actions that come with self-responsibility. It’s through the door of self-responsibility that personal power and independence enter, often hand-in-hand, bearing gifts of confidence and self-esteem.

Be clear though, self-responsibility is not the same as feeling responsible or accepting the blame for bad things that have happened or situations that are painful. We don’t all enter the world with the same trappings, and people, events or circumstances have wreaked trauma and caused wounds from which many are recovering. Self-responsibility means that when you have worked through your grief or anger or other issues, you can ask yourself: Now what am I going to do? What options do I have?

At the other end, self-responsibility doesn’t mean becoming so self-reliant you don’t ask for help when you need it or seek others’ opinions or points of view. And it certainly doesn’t mean you have to know everything, make every decision alone or take on the world single-handedly.

Rather than a heavy burden, self-responsibility can be a source of joy. Knowing you can create the life you want by accepting responsibility for yourself is a great freedom. Even saying the words aloud can produce a feeling of power and strength. Try it.

  • I am responsible for my choices and actions
  • I am responsible for how I use my time
  • I am responsible for my behavior and communication with others
  • I am responsible for achieving my desires, dreams and wishes
  • I am responsible for the work I do and the quality I bring to that work
  • I am responsible for the values I live by and standards I set

Granted, saying the words out loud can be a little scary and intimidating as well as empowering. Accepting and acting out of self-responsibility isn’t like falling off the proverbial log; it’s not that easy. It takes practice and working through and making mistakes and falling back and finding yourself in a place you didn’t want to be again. But that’s the thing about personal growth, the place to start is where you are.

It’s great to be able to muscle test how strong or weak you are on each of these to better know where to focus your changes. Don’t know how to muscle test? Visit my store for the Learning to Muscle Test DVD which teaches you how to muscle test on yourself and others.

What has helped you to overcome selfishness and become self-responsible? Join the conversation below…

Author’s content used under license, © Claire Communications

Curiosity and Results – What’s the Connection?

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Curiosity and Results - What's the Connection?Curiosity has been given a bad rap. Perhaps we grew up hearing that asking questions was rude or conveyed ignorance, or that we’d get into trouble if we were like Curious George. We might even have been warned that “Curiosity killed the cat!”

The truth is that curiosity is one of the most vital and life-affirming qualities you can bring to your life and your relationships.

Curiosity in Business

It is so easy to blame others when things go wrong. Consider being curious about your experience rather than critical. For example, instead of beating yourself up for not reaching sales goals—again—try asking yourself what was going on for you that you kept performing below your expectations? With an attitude of “how fascinating that I’ve created this” you are much more likely to help yourself find new solutions to attaining your goals.

Curiosity in Life

Helen Keller said, “Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all!” When you cultivate an attitude of curiosity, doors open and adventures begin; questions lead to new possibilities. For example, asking yourself, “What do I want to learn now and where might that lead me?” can set you on a journey of exciting exploration that moves you forward. If, instead, you come from the place of “I already know what I need to know,” you shut off the possibility of discovering something new that could rock your world.

Curiosity in Relationships

How often we assume we know what someone else is thinking or experiencing. What if we came from a place of not knowing and offered others an invitation to speak? According to Sharon Ellison, creator of Powerful Non-Defensive Communication, “A non-defensive question is innocently curious, reflecting the purity of the child who asks how a flower grows or what makes an airplane fly.” We invite others to share their true experience when we ask questions without hidden agendas and to clarify understanding.

Practice Cultivating Curiosity

Here are some ways to cultivate a more curious life:

Go outside. No matter the weather, the world is full of fascinating things waiting to be discovered. Go for a walk (especially barefoot in the grass!) or a bike ride. Bring someone with you and make discovery a game.

Ask questions. Did you hear something interesting on the radio that you’ve never heard before? Google it! See what else there is to know. Practice asking questions with openness and neutrality. Practice with strangers in stores and with people close to you. Stop thinking you know all the answers…be open to being surprised! An inquiry is an open-ended question designed to broaden your perspective. For example: “What would make life a daring adventure for me?” “Where in my life do I assume I already know?”

Look or listen closely. Rather than rush through your day take a moment to stop and “smell the roses.” What colors do you see? What expressions are people wearing? What sounds make up your environment? Can you identify them?

Challenge your assumptions. These impact how we treat strangers as well as loved ones. Start by asking, “What if that’s not true?” What other choices might you make then?

Play I Spy. Take on a new skill or learn something new from a friend. Be Curious!

If you truly want to expand your excitement, joy and fulfillment in life and relationship, sprinkle liberal doses of curiosity and watch your life become the fabulous adventure it can be!

Share with us how you have cultivated curiosity in your life! Join the conversation below…

Author’s content used under license, © Claire Communications

Ten Ways to Simplify Your Life

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Ten Ways to SImplify your lifeThese days a chorus of thousands has taken up Henry David Thoreau’s advice to “Simplify, simplify.” And for good reason. Few among us would deny our lives are too complicated and filled with too much stress.

Simplicity is about eliminating clutter – from your mind, your home, your relationships and your lifestyle. Following are ten ways to begin.

1. Get a clear idea of what you want your life to look like. This picture will help you discover what you must eliminate.

2. Let go of projects, roles or self-imposed obligations that take up time and keep you away from what you really want.

3. Say ‘No’ to what you don’t want in your life. Say Yes to what you do want.

4. Schedule “break” days for yourself where you don’t do anything but what you really want. Don’t cancel them.

5. Make a “to do” day and get all those chores and errands done in a single day.

6. Create space. File away or toss out; give away, sell or trade.

7. Make and return phone calls only during certain hours.

8. Shop only when you have to. Question your purchases. Consuming less is good for the planet, too.

9. Ask for and accept help. Delegate chores. Hire work done when possible.

10. Remember to breathe, to ground yourself and be physically present.

Simplifying means making choices that will improve the quality of your life.

*Bonus* A gratitude list will help you discover what really matters to you. Let’s start a list together! Join the conversation down below in the comments section! I’m looking forward to seeing what you are grateful for!

 

Author’s content used under license, © Claire Communications

How Well Do You Stay in the Present?

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How Well Do You Stay in the Present?The way to live a full and rich life, to deepen our connections with others and to experience true intimacy is by staying in the present moment. Yet much of what we do and how we live takes us out of the present and ricochets us into some unknown future or drags us back into the mire of the past. Other times, we simply “space out,” disconnect from where we are, who we’re with, and what we’re doing.

The great spiritual teacher Thich Nhat Hanh said mindfulness is to be present in the present moment. Take the following quiz to discover how much, and in what ways you detach from the present moment.

T/F 1. I have a tendency to live in the future, projecting into tomorrow, or next week or even years from now.

T/F 2. I spend much of my time thinking about the past, replaying conversations or reliving incidents or events, or I play “what if” in my mind.

T/F 3. Sometimes when I’m in conversation with someone, I can’t remember what was just said.

T/F 4. When eating a meal, my family often watches TV or videos or reads.

T/F 5. In talking with someone, I think of how I’m going to respond rather than listening to what the other person is saying.

T/F 6. I tend to worry.

T/F 7. I try to figure out how things will work out or what someone else will do.

T/F 8. I allow the telephone or pager to interrupt whatever I’m doing.

T/F 9. I often/frequently hope for something better or different.

T/F 10. I often/frequently dread something worse will happen.

T/F 11. I find myself always busy, with never an empty or spare moment.

T/F 12. When I am feeling uncomfortable in a situation, I change the subject or get up and move around, or get something to eat/drink/smoke/do.

T/F 13. In some situations, I find myself getting sleepy or yawning when I’m not really tired.

T/F 14. I find it difficult to maintain eye contact when I’m talking with someone.

T/F 15. Sometimes I can’t remember what I just read or I don’t know what just took place in the movie or video I’m watching.

T/F 16. When I’m with certain people, we talk about others (gossiping, discussing shortcomings or talking about their problems).

T/F 17. I take my cell phone everywhere and it’s always on.

T/F 18. My conversations with others tend to be about superficial subjects.

T/F 19. Rather than staying with my emotions and naming them (“I am feeling…”), I attempt to alter the feelings.

T/F 20. In my family or with my partner, we watch TV programs that we don’t really care about rather than interact with each other.

Many of us may feel a push-pull when it comes to intimacy. We want to be closer to others, but the vulnerability that it demands is too frightening. Or we may feel restless or distracted or just plain uncomfortable when we attempt to stay in the present.

If this quiz brought up some things for you that you’d love to do some energy work on to release negative triggers, please visit my Certified SimplyHealed™ Practitioner page. These wonderful Certified SimplyHealed™ Practitioners can help you feel more peace, joy and balance in your life!

Author’s content used under license, © Claire Communications

Top 10 Ideas for Journaling

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Top 10 Ideas for JournalingIt has been said that journaling is a voyage to the interior. Inside of all of us is a unique wisdom that can inform our choices and enhance our experience of life. Once we tap into that, we realize that we know more than we thought we did. One potent way to access this wisdom is through journaling. I love the answers I find when I relax, put pen to paper, and just begin writing. Sometimes I write about weird or silly thoughts until something better and more constructive comes out. But the trick is to sit down and begin.

Here are 10 ideas to help you mine for gold with a pen:

1. Free write. Write as fast as you can—whatever comes to your mind—without regard to spelling, punctuation, etc. This “brain dump” helps you clear your mind and prepare for the day.

2. Write about your childhood. Write specific memories and notice any trends that occur or insights you have about your present life.

3. Free associate. One word sparks another and so on. Watching where your mind takes you can help you get “underneath” issues you may be dealing with.

4. Create timelines, graphs or word clusters (aka “mindmaps”). Use these tools to explore trends, patterns and different perspectives.

5. Write letters. Clear up issues or unfinished business. Even if you never end up sending it, writing can clear up stuck energy.

6. Draw or collage. You know the saying, “A picture is worth a thousand words.”

7. Keep an idea journal. Jot down ideas that come to you throughout the day.

8. Make lists. Fears, things you’re grateful for, aspirations, animals in your dreams, etc. Making lists aggregates information in ways that give you a big picture view.

9. Ask and answer questions. Pretend someone is interviewing you about an issue and answer their question. You may be surprised by what comes out of your mouth or pen.

10. Record your dreams. What do the images and feelings in them tell you?

Author’s content used under license, © 2008 Claire Communications

How to Create A Balanced Relationship

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How to Create A Balanced RelationshipWhether they are married, in a relationship or single – most people would say they want to have a balanced relationship with their significant other.  But what does a balanced relationship look like and how do you maintain it?

The fact is, we all relate to people in different ways: Dependently (or codependently), Independently and Interdependently.

Dependent/codependent:
In these relationships one person sets aside his or her personal welfare to maintain the relationship. This dynamic implies that the codependent person in the relationship can’t survive independently of the other person.

Independent:
In this configuration, the couple lives mostly separate lives. For example, they have different friends, are rarely together and make decisions autonomously. They may live separately as well and they are fine with that arrangement.

Interdependent:
In this type of relationship, two people are intimate with one another but don’t compromise or sacrifice themselves or their values. This dynamic is about collaboration and cooperation. Each person is self-reliant (physically, emotionally, financially, etc.) and, simultaneously, responsible to the other.

While it’s possible to find happiness, at least temporarily, in all three types of relationships, the Interdependent relationship is generally considered the model for a balanced relationship.

What do you do if you don’t consider your relationship to be balanced? With a little information and effort it’s possible to attain a balanced relationship.

1. Find Inner Balance by:
• Focusing on what you can control (your thoughts, feelings and actions) not what you can’t (others’ thoughts, feelings and actions).
• Noticing how you feel and, as clearly and calmly as you can, communicating those feelings.
• Recognizing and owning your issues, which will help you recognize your partner’s as well. You can be empathic and supportive without having to “fix” everything.

2. Create and Maintain a Balanced Relationship by:
• Staying present and empathic even when your partner is upset.
• Stepping back from conflicts to avoid escalation, assess the problem and make positive changes.
• Reframing the actions/reactions of your partner. For example, seeing a loved one as anxious and fearful, instead of cruel and controlling, paves the way for a more sympathetic, less confrontational approach.
• Being a good listener and focusing on the only person you can change—yourself.

3. Recognize and change old emotional patterns and blocked energetic pathways by:
• Writing down negative feelings that manifest themselves throughout your day. Then rewrite them in a positive light.
• Become aware of “triggers” that influence your mood. Many times just the awareness will lead to your ability to not be influenced by them – putting you in control.
• Write down up to 10 positive affirmations you would like to see manifested in your relationship and post them where you will see and read them often (ie. Bathroom mirror, near your computer screen, etc.)

Keep in mind that balance, like a relationship, is dynamic not static. It’s impossible to keep balance 100% of the time in every situation. Even a balanced relationship can, at times, feel like more work than play.

Remember, sometimes the focus will be more on you, other times more on your partner, and still other times when what’s best for “us” needs the focus rather than either individual.

Like a wave, there is an ebb and flow to relationships. But once we are aware of what balanced relationships look like we can better manage that dynamic.

Would you like to pull out those threads of negative emotional patterns and release blocked energy to allow your Spirit to be more open to and/or attract the relationship you desire?

This month I am having a group phone session focusing on Romantic Relationships. For those of you in a relationship this call will be focused on your relationship with your partner. If you are single we will also be releasing issues blocking you from attracting your ideal mate. So really, this call is for everyone!

Here’s what we’ll be working on:
• Releasing negative dependent/co-dependent/independent false beliefs.
• Shifting thought patterns to accept and attract an interdependent relationship.
• Instilling positive affirmations to support your raised energetic attractiveness for the relationship you desire.

To learn more about group phone sessions and to sign-up, go here.

Author’s content used under license, © 2011 Claire Communications

Thoughts Under the Stars

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Thoughts Under the StarsLast week I had the opportunity to be out in nature, sleeping under the stars. Now, I’m not a big fan of camping (the dirt, the cold nights, the out-house, lying on hard, bumpy ground, etc.), however, I do love sleeping under the stars and admiring their brilliance, majesty, and beauty. There were SO many stars in the sky last week! And I even saw several shooting stars, which always puts a big smile on my face even if I’m the only one still awake to see them.

Something about sleeping under all those stars in God’s great big sky that really brings life into perspective for me. I always think of the millions of others around the globe who are looking up at the same stars as I am, as well as people throughout history who have lived, camped, traveled, warred, and loved under this same beautiful canopy of stars -cue the song, “Somewhere Out There” from the kid’s movie “An American Tail” (yes, that’s the way they spell ‘tale’).

Somehow realizing how small I am in this huge galaxy inspires me to live bigger, live better. Here in the US it is summer, and I recognize I have many readers from other countries, where it may be a different season for you right now, but no matter the weather, have you taken the opportunity recently to really look up and connect to this beautiful Universe? I don’t do that often enough, but when I take the time to be still, look up and just listen for the inspiration that is waiting to talk to me I sense and feel juicy nuggets of knowledge that help me on my journey through life.

How about you? When was the last time you relaxed under a beautiful star-filled sky? How did that inspire you? When can you arrange to do that again? Ask yourself these questions, and/or feel free to add your comments to the blog by clicking below.

Now I am on my way to find my air mattress in my storage closet so I can set it up on my deck tonight, gaze up at the stars once again~ I am open to receiving all the inspiration I can get!