How Well Do You Practice Empathy?

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How Well do you know empathy? Last month we talked about ways that we can better talk to ourselves. Did you make some break-throughs? I hope so! If you didn’t get a chance to read it, just click here.

This month we’re taking it a step further and finding out if we are empathetic or if there needs to be some improvement there. All of these little steps are getting us closer to BE-ing the kind of person that is opened to all the goodness available to us and using it to help others too – a place of true abundance.

Empathy—that quality of recognizing and understanding another person’s desires, beliefs and emotions—is one of the most important skills we can ever acquire. It fosters meaningful relationships, reduces prejudice and negative assumptions, encourages honest communication and can help avert violence. Studies have found that people high in empathy are more confident, sensitive and assertive, and they enjoy better physical and mental health. Often described as standing in another person’s shoes or looking through the other’s eyes, empathy connects us human-to-human.

Take this quiz to see how well you practice empathy.Answer True or False to each set of questions.

Set 1

1. If I don’t know enough to understand, and empathize with, another’s dilemma, I try to increase my knowledge by asking questions.

2. I recognize and remember that others are different from me and might see and feel things differently from how I might experience the same situation. I try to look at the situation through that person’s eyes, not my own.

3. I don’t need to be right about what I imagine the other person to be feeling. If I’ve misunderstood, I ask the person to help me correct my impressions. Doing so helps me learn more about the other.

4. When I show that I understand the other person’s experience, I notice that the person I’m talking with opens up more.

5. My irritation with another person often dwindles when I understand what’s going on inside him or her.

6. Being a good, active listener helps me “get” what someone else is going through.

7. I try to focus on the other person’s feelings, rather than on actions or circumstances. I know that when people are upset, it’s better to work through and handle their feelings before figuring out how to solve their problems.

Set 2

1. If a friend complains about a boss at work, I’m likely to advise that person to find another job, change departments or speak up. I like to be helpful by offering solutions.

2. I’m always ready to offer a psychological analysis of my friends’ troubles.

3. If a co-worker expresses anxiety about her relationship with her husband, I’m quick to reassure her that all couples have their little problems, and that she shouldn’t worry about it.

4. It seems that I always know better than my friends what’s behind or underneath their problems.

5. When family members are upset about something, I find a way to distract them or change the subject.

6. I’m quick to remind people that plenty of others are a lot worse off than they are.

7. When empathizing with others, I imagine how I would feel in a given situation and assume the same would be true for them. We’re all basically the same, aren’t we?

True empathy can only occur when we have successfully shed all preconceived ideas and judgments about others—and when we’re comfortable with others’ deep feelings. If you answered true more often to the second set than the first, you may benefit from learning more about how to respond with empathy, how to really hear someone. It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give another person.

How have you shown more empathy to those in your life? What do you feel you may need to work on? How have you seen empathy in your life? Share your thoughts with us in the comments!

Author’s content used under license, © Claire Communications

Top Ten Things to Say to Yourself

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Top Ten Things to Say to YourselfOften the things we say to ourselves we wouldn’t even think of saying to another person. We blame, shame, call names of the meanest sort, nag, belittle and bully ourselves through self-talk.

What if, instead, we were more gentle with ourselves, asked ourselves questions and listened to the responses. What if we treated ourselves as we treat a best friend, someone we love dearly. Here’s a Top Ten list of loving things to say to yourself.

1. What do you feel? Asking ourselves what we feel can help put names to, and identify emotions. Listening for the response and being honest with ourselves is like taking our emotional temperature.

2. What do you need? A need is different from a want. Whereas a want states a desire, a need is usually a statement about nurturing. Pay attention to your needs, they’re about caring for yourself.

3. Good job Congratulate yourself on a job well done whether it’s mowing the lawn, writing a poem or cleaning the bathroom. Give yourself a verbal pat on the back.

4. I apologize Saying “I’m sorry” for all the wrongs we have done ourselves can be the first step in healing.

5. Let’s play Lighten up and be playful. Listen to what comes up when you suggest play.

6. Breathe Reminding ourselves to breathe helps relieve tension, gives us that moment we sometimes need to center and ground ourselves.

7. I forgive you Sometimes it’s easier to forgive others than to forgive ourselves. Yet, to have closure and to move on, often means we have to forgive ourselves.

8. Let go Releasing worries, resentments, anger, fears loosens the grip of resistance and makes room for growth.

9. Be present Staying present, being aware of the physical, acknowledging the moment, this is when we are truly alive. (In case you missed it, I shared with you the top 10 ways to stay present.)

10. I love you We say it to others, why not say it to ourselves. Say it again.

Have you noticed a difference in the way you talk to yourself? Have you made any changes? What have you see happen when you started talking positively to yourself? Share your thoughts with us  below!

Author’s content used under license, © Claire Communications

Holiday Blitz or Holiday Bliss?

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Holiday Blitz or Holiday Bliss Top Ten Tricks to Stay PresentTop 10 Ways to stay Present.

With the holidays upon us, life can get busier than usual and it’s easy to get overwhelmed, if we don’t stay present in the moment.

Paying attention and keeping the intention to fully ENJOY this week before Christmas makes all the difference between Holiday Blitz and Holiday Bliss.

Try these ten ways to enhance your enjoyment during the holidays.

1. Be present in the moment. Pay attention to the details: Notice the sound of children’s laughter, the meaning of the words in the Christmas carols, the texture and flavor of the food you eat, literally stop to smell the roses (or the gingerbread in this season).

2. Make a list of what you want to accomplish today. List only the portion of a major project that can be completed today. Include pleasures as well as tasks.

3. Concentrate on the task at hand. Give it your best, most often complete is better than “perfect”.

4. Journal first thing every morning to empty your mind of worry and chatter. Write three pages without stopping; it doesn’t need to be grammatically perfect, just let your thoughts flow.

5. Allow thoughts and feelings come and go without judging them. Neither cling to nor reject them. Just breathe.

6. If you feel yourself getting irritated in traffic, or long shopping lines, or with family members, remember you have the power to change your thoughts and responses in each moment. Find three good things about the situation.

7. Don’t try to juggle everything in your mind. During the day when you think of something you don’t want to forget, jot it down, or put it in a note in your smart phone.

8. Be where you are. When you find yourself drifting off elsewhere, a gentle reminder to “be present” can help.

9. Take a moment to transition yourself from place to place and task to task.

10. This time of year reminds us to let go of the past. Make amends, forgive, grieve. Ask for help if you’re unable to let go.

Do you have other ideas that have allowed you to BE more present in your life each day? Share it with us below!

Author’s content used under license, © 2008 Claire Communications

Are You Too Cautious?

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Are you too cautiousHelen Keller, blind and deaf educator, said: “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” Sometimes it’s wise to be cautious, particularly when physical safety is at stake. However, when we play it safe simply to protect our ego or heart, we may close off possibilities that could bring us greater joy and fulfillment. Life is what we make of it, shaped by our choices. What are you choosing? Answer “true” or “false” to the following statements to discover if you are too cautious.

Set 1

  1. Life doesn’t feel safe. I’m content with things as they are and prefer to stay in my “comfort zone.”
  2. I’m afraid something bad will happen if I veer off my usual course. I feel safer and more confident when I stick to what I already know.
  3. I frequently worry “what if…?” If I can’t be certain of the outcome, I won’t take the risk. Being rejected, looking stupid and failing are not options.
  4. I know there are business and romantic opportunities I’ve missed out on because of being so risk-averse.
  5. My fear of the unknown is paralyzing. When I look at my life, I have many regrets about things I didn’t do.
  6. I feel bad about myself for being so cautious. I think of myself as a coward and I expect that others see me that way, too.

Set 2

  1. I am committed to growing myself bigger than my fears. It’s not that I’m unafraid; it’s just that I am more committed to my goals and know the cost of playing it safe.
  2. Developing courage is like building a muscle. The more I practice taking risks, even small ones, the more empowered I feel.
  3. ­­­­When I have a goal or dream that feels big and scary, I minimize feeling overwhelmed by “chunking it down” into more manageable, short-term steps.
  4. I enlist the support of those who can help me move beyond my comfort zone to a more fulfilling life.
  5. When I take risks, I trust I can handle whatever comes. If I fall, I know that I can get up again. I don’t conclude that I shouldn’t have tried or that I’m a failure.
  6. My biggest successes have come when I’ve taken a big leap of faith.

 

If you answered True more often in Set 1 and False more often in Set 2,  it sounds like you are ready to move beyond your comfort zone to live a more fulfilled life. A great place to start is with my “Fear Busting” group call coming up in Dec. It will help eliminate the underlying reasons why you hold yourself back in many situations, so you can step into your courageous self and create a life that rocks!

Go here for more info and to register.

Top 10 Self-Help Mobile Apps

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Top 10 Self Help Mobile AppsI thought we would try something fun this month. I don’t know about you, but I do keep my smartphone with me most of the time. The freedom of being able to keep up with my business while out of my office is so….well….freeeing! Why not make even better use of them!

Use of technology to enhance well-being is on the upswing. Here are some fun apps that you can use on a regular basis to help you take a healthy, refreshing break from the day-to-day.

1. Gratitude Journal Forgetting gratitude? You know that I am always recommending journal time. What an easy way to keep up with it wherever you are! This app offers daily reminders and iCloud syncing. Add photos, share what you’re grateful for.

2. The Habit Factor Yes, an app for breaking annoying habits. Set goals, create new positive behaviors, track your success.

3. iZen Garden 2 A virtual zen garden in your palm­—the tranquility that comes from being in a real one, without the messy sand!

4. myinstantCOACH Advice for big decisions in relationships, finance, career or well-being. Offers specific options and actions you can take.

5. Serenity One of the best relaxation tools. Especially lovely on an iPad. Listen, watch and reee-laaax!

6. Authentic Yoga Easy-to-follow app by Deepak Chopra. Choose your music, and follow the graceful yoga master Tara Stiles.

7. Niroga Manage Your Stress Manage stress with four simple techniques you can use anywhere.

8. Feel Good Tracker Track positive feeling with easy-to-use logs and iCal system; take photos and even tweet or email your entries.

9 . Sleep Machine – Binaural Beats Induce relaxation, creativity and other desirable states. Add to ambient music and produce a lifelike sound environment.

10. Mappiness An iPhone app that discerns how your environment influences your mood. Chart when, where and with whom you’re happiest.

Author’s content used under license, © Claire Communications

Top 10 Ways to Eat Healthy Every Day

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Whether you are dieting to lose weight or changing your food choices to improve your health, making change isn’t always easy.Top 10 Ways to eat Healthy Experts say that we have to stay with a change for at least 28 days to make it “stick.” Here are 10 ways to make your new food habits a solid part of the “new you.”

1. Start slowly and be realistic The reality is that old habits die hard. So don’t try to do too much too quickly. Make one or two changes at first, solidify those new habits, and then when you feel ready, take the next step. It’s better to make a few healthier choices—not drinking sugary sodas or switching from fast food to home-prepared food—than to completely change the way you have been eating all at once.

2. Get support Find a nutrition buddy! It’s easier to make changes when you declare your intention to others out loud. Once you do, select a few supporters to lean on during those times when you feel yourself wavering. Team up with a friend. Ask a sibling or spouse to cheer you on. Get the support of your social circle for when you go to parties or get-togethers.

3. Clean out your kitchen You can’t eat those potato chips if they aren’t there! Working with your nutritionist or healthcare professional, decide what a “healthy” pantry looks like. Then clean out your cupboards and restock them with the healthier alternatives. Grocery stores are changing to meet the growing consumer demand for healthier foods, especially snack choices, so look beyond the brands you are accustomed to buying on automatic pilot.

4. Dare your taste buds Most people eat the same foods over and over again, and tend not to roam too far afield in the culinary world. Seek out tasty new recipes that use the foods you are substituting into your new diet. Dare yourself to be adventurous in your palate. Love burgers? Try a portobello mushroom burger instead. Always wondered what a kiwi tastes like? Now is the time to find out!

5. Plan ahead Temptation tends to strike when we are away from home and can’t control our food choices. So if you are planning to go out to dinner, go online first and see if the restaurant posts its menu on its website. That way you can determine if their culinary offerings support your new dietary preferences. When it comes to work, traveling and on-the-go activities, prepare some healthy snacks and pack them to take with you.

6. Deal with cravings When the craving for a donut strikes, have a healthy alternative available. Better yet, wait out the craving by busying yourself. You will be surprised how quickly a craving passes when you occupy yourself with something else.

7. Go easy on yourself No one is perfect. If you occasionally slip in your new dietary habits, that’s okay. Let go of any guilt, move on, and renew your commitment to the new, healthier you.

8. Set goals Work with your nutritionist or healthcare provider to set realistic goals. Then write them down! By having clear, identifiable goals and tracking your progress, it will be to celebrate your successes, which keeps you motivated, and to alert yourself to problem areas and find solutions.

9. Accentuate the positive Continually remind yourself why you have made the dietary changes you have. Post positive affirmations around your home and workplace, even in your car. The more you remind yourself of the benefits of healthy eating, the more motivated you will be.

10. Reward yourself Changing a habit isn’t easy, so celebrate your decision to do so. Give yourself regular pats on the back. If you have a support person or group, celebrate milestones with them. Doing so on a weekly, or even daily, basis not only will help you stay motivated but also will help you feel good about yourself and your progress.

And finally…

11. Join me for this month’s Group Call “Weight Loss”. Let’s get rid of those pesky little triggers that get in the way of being able to make and keep our weight loss and healthy eating goals!

Author’s content used under license, © Claire Communications

Self-Responsibility Starts with an ‘I’

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In the following three scenarios what do the people have in common?

Josie is a woman in her twenties. She still lives at home with her mother who makes all Josie’sresponsibilitiesw important decisions: how to spend her money, who to go out with, even what clothes to wear. Josie is anxious and depressed.

Matt ordered a new printer for his office. When it arrived he discovered it wasn’t compatible with his computer. “Those idiots,” he ranted, “why didn’t they tell me this was the wrong printer.”

Sally and Jerry had a big fight. Now Sally’s tossing and turning in the bedroom while Jerry beds down on the sofa. Neither one is getting any sleep and both think the other should make the first move to apologize.

If your answer was “Hey, no one is taking any personal responsibility here,” you’ve got a good eye for human behavior.

Because what Josie and Matt and Sally and Jerry all have in common is a lack of self-responsibility that leaves them dependent and victimized. They’re caught up in blaming others for their problems and waiting for somebody else to come along and make their life right. Unfortunately, they’re going to have a long wait because, in the words of self-esteem expert Nathaniel Branden, “No one is coming.”

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This is the good news! Your life is in your hands. You get to make the choices, elect the options and take the actions that come with self-responsibility. It’s through the door of self-responsibility that personal power and independence enter, often hand-in-hand, bearing gifts of confidence and self-esteem.

Be clear though, self-responsibility is not the same as feeling responsible or accepting the blame for bad things that have happened or situations that are painful. We don’t all enter the world with the same trappings, and people, events or circumstances have wreaked trauma and caused wounds from which many are recovering. Self-responsibility means that when you have worked through your grief or anger or other issues, you can ask yourself: Now what am I going to do? What options do I have?

At the other end, self-responsibility doesn’t mean becoming so self-reliant you don’t ask for help when you need it or seek others’ opinions or points of view. And it certainly doesn’t mean you have to know everything, make every decision alone or take on the world single-handedly.

Rather than a heavy burden, self-responsibility can be a source of joy. Knowing you can create the life you want by accepting responsibility for yourself is a great freedom. Even saying the words aloud can produce a feeling of power and strength. Try it.

  • I am responsible for my choices and actions
  • I am responsible for how I use my time
  • I am responsible for my behavior and communication with others
  • I am responsible for achieving my desires, dreams and wishes
  • I am responsible for the work I do and the quality I bring to that work
  • I am responsible for the values I live by and standards I set

Granted, saying the words out loud can be a little scary and intimidating as well as empowering. Accepting and acting out of self-responsibility isn’t like falling off the proverbial log; it’s not that easy. It takes practice and working through and making mistakes and falling back and finding yourself in a place you didn’t want to be again. But that’s the thing about personal growth, the place to start is where you are.

It’s great to be able to muscle test how strong or weak you are on each of these to better know where to focus your changes. Don’t know how to muscle test? Visit my store for the Learning to Muscle Test DVD which teaches you how to muscle test on yourself and others.

What has helped you to overcome selfishness and become self-responsible? Join the conversation below…

Author’s content used under license, © Claire Communications

SimplyHealed Practitioner™ Training Coming Up

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Join us for one of our upcoming SimplyHealed Practitioner™ Trainings coming up in September:

September 3 – 6, 2014 in Noosa, AUSTRALIA
September 17-20, 2014 in St. George, Utah

Find out how learning the method has changed lives in this video with Jen Poulson. Jen shares her experience as a Certified SimplyHealed Practitioner™. She says, “It’s been an amazing journey… developing that ability to listen to your intuition.”

Find out more about taking the SimplyHealed™ training here.

Curiosity and Results – What’s the Connection?

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Curiosity and Results - What's the Connection?Curiosity has been given a bad rap. Perhaps we grew up hearing that asking questions was rude or conveyed ignorance, or that we’d get into trouble if we were like Curious George. We might even have been warned that “Curiosity killed the cat!”

The truth is that curiosity is one of the most vital and life-affirming qualities you can bring to your life and your relationships.

Curiosity in Business

It is so easy to blame others when things go wrong. Consider being curious about your experience rather than critical. For example, instead of beating yourself up for not reaching sales goals—again—try asking yourself what was going on for you that you kept performing below your expectations? With an attitude of “how fascinating that I’ve created this” you are much more likely to help yourself find new solutions to attaining your goals.

Curiosity in Life

Helen Keller said, “Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all!” When you cultivate an attitude of curiosity, doors open and adventures begin; questions lead to new possibilities. For example, asking yourself, “What do I want to learn now and where might that lead me?” can set you on a journey of exciting exploration that moves you forward. If, instead, you come from the place of “I already know what I need to know,” you shut off the possibility of discovering something new that could rock your world.

Curiosity in Relationships

How often we assume we know what someone else is thinking or experiencing. What if we came from a place of not knowing and offered others an invitation to speak? According to Sharon Ellison, creator of Powerful Non-Defensive Communication, “A non-defensive question is innocently curious, reflecting the purity of the child who asks how a flower grows or what makes an airplane fly.” We invite others to share their true experience when we ask questions without hidden agendas and to clarify understanding.

Practice Cultivating Curiosity

Here are some ways to cultivate a more curious life:

Go outside. No matter the weather, the world is full of fascinating things waiting to be discovered. Go for a walk (especially barefoot in the grass!) or a bike ride. Bring someone with you and make discovery a game.

Ask questions. Did you hear something interesting on the radio that you’ve never heard before? Google it! See what else there is to know. Practice asking questions with openness and neutrality. Practice with strangers in stores and with people close to you. Stop thinking you know all the answers…be open to being surprised! An inquiry is an open-ended question designed to broaden your perspective. For example: “What would make life a daring adventure for me?” “Where in my life do I assume I already know?”

Look or listen closely. Rather than rush through your day take a moment to stop and “smell the roses.” What colors do you see? What expressions are people wearing? What sounds make up your environment? Can you identify them?

Challenge your assumptions. These impact how we treat strangers as well as loved ones. Start by asking, “What if that’s not true?” What other choices might you make then?

Play I Spy. Take on a new skill or learn something new from a friend. Be Curious!

If you truly want to expand your excitement, joy and fulfillment in life and relationship, sprinkle liberal doses of curiosity and watch your life become the fabulous adventure it can be!

Share with us how you have cultivated curiosity in your life! Join the conversation below…

Author’s content used under license, © Claire Communications

Ten Ways to Simplify Your Life

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Ten Ways to SImplify your lifeThese days a chorus of thousands has taken up Henry David Thoreau’s advice to “Simplify, simplify.” And for good reason. Few among us would deny our lives are too complicated and filled with too much stress.

Simplicity is about eliminating clutter – from your mind, your home, your relationships and your lifestyle. Following are ten ways to begin.

1. Get a clear idea of what you want your life to look like. This picture will help you discover what you must eliminate.

2. Let go of projects, roles or self-imposed obligations that take up time and keep you away from what you really want.

3. Say ‘No’ to what you don’t want in your life. Say Yes to what you do want.

4. Schedule “break” days for yourself where you don’t do anything but what you really want. Don’t cancel them.

5. Make a “to do” day and get all those chores and errands done in a single day.

6. Create space. File away or toss out; give away, sell or trade.

7. Make and return phone calls only during certain hours.

8. Shop only when you have to. Question your purchases. Consuming less is good for the planet, too.

9. Ask for and accept help. Delegate chores. Hire work done when possible.

10. Remember to breathe, to ground yourself and be physically present.

Simplifying means making choices that will improve the quality of your life.

*Bonus* A gratitude list will help you discover what really matters to you. Let’s start a list together! Join the conversation down below in the comments section! I’m looking forward to seeing what you are grateful for!

 

Author’s content used under license, © Claire Communications