Let me be honest…SimplyHealed is my baby.
Let me be honest…SimplyHealed is my baby. I’ve nurtured her and grown her for many years. This work has changed my life and thousands of student’s lives as well (not to mention their families and clients).
Top 10 Tips for Great Idea Generation
Great ideas can mean the difference between mediocrity and huge success, between boredom and passion. Whether you want to write an e-book, plan a family trip, or even landscape your yard, consider the following tips:
1. Pay attention. Ideas come when we least expect them so awareness is often the first step. Give your mind (and imagination) space to explore the world around you.
2. Stimulate creativity. What helps take your mind in different directions? A day off? Chasing your 2-year-old? Dancing? A mastermind group?
3. Examine your beliefs. What thoughts keep you stuck in the same old same-old? Which ones sabotage your efforts or keep your ideas small?
4. Play. Play with words. Play with concepts and characters. Play both inside and outside the box.
5. Identify the “juice.” What is it you LOVE to do? See if you can incorporate that—or the energy of it—into your ideas.
6. Get your pen moving. This writers’ trick works in all kinds of scenarios to generate great ideas. Just start writing.
7. Notice what’s not working. The heart of a problem is rich with possibility for creative solutions.
8. Ask. Solicit input from people in your field of interest. Or, if you’re spiritually inclined, ask for guidance through prayer, meditation, or your inner wisdom.
9. Be open. Ideas can come from anywhere. Your teenager may articulate just the thing that will work for your needs.
10. Keep track. Great ideas are often born while driving or running or sitting at the beach. Keep your phone recorder or notebook always handy to capture them.
Author’s content used under license, © 2008 Claire Communications
Listening to Our Bodies: They Know More than We Do!
The body holds much of the information we need to function at our best, but too often we ignore its messages and plow ahead with what our minds tell us.Perhaps because we’re not taught from early on to pay attention to internal messages as well as external demands, we frequently ignore our body’s communications.
So we take another extra-strength aspirin rather than investigating what’s causing our head to ache. We use more caffeine or sugar to give us a lift when we feel tired, rather than hearing our body’s message about needing rest or recognizing our fatigue as an early symptom of burnout we’d do well to heed. A look at our pets may be all the message we need about the value of naps.
We fail to take into account the thousand little messages communicated to us by how we’re holding ourselves: the mouth that’s pinched and tight rather than relaxed. The fact that our shoulders are up around our ears, the knot of tension in our stomach as we promise to do something when closer consideration might tell us we are already over-extended.
These days we’re notorious for putting deadlines ahead of the protests of aching bones or inadequately nourished bellies. (Is there hidden wisdom in calling a due date a deadline in the first place?) Instead of asking our body what it wants, we go for the quick fill-up or the comfort food that may be the last thing we really need.
So what to do to give your body an equal say in how you use it?
Start with the breath. Breathing consciously is a major part of body awareness. Turn off thoughts and just let yourself experience the inflow and outflow of breath. Label them, “In. Out. In. Out.” Note how and where you are breathing or failing to, a clear sign something important is going on.
Allow yourself quiet time. Sit for ten minutes just observing yourself, even (especially!) in the middle of a busy day. Meditate. Take a walk or a nap. Allow time to do nothing. Soak in a hot tub rather than taking a quick shower.
Get a massage. It’s not self-indulgence to be massaged; it wakes up the whole nervous system and helps you tune in.
Use your journal to dialogue with your body. Ask your body how it’s feeling, what it wants, what’s going on. Give that sore wrist or stiff lower back a voice and let it tell you what its message is.
Eat when hungry, sleep when tired. Take a week and really pay attention to your body’s most basic needs. Do your real rhythms for eating and sleeping conform to the habits you’ve established? If they don’t, change them!
Do a body inventory to relax. Start with your toes and work upwards. Scan your body from the inside. Or try tensing each part slightly, then relaxing it to release residual tension.
Practice mindfulness. Get used to tuning in to your physical self, wherever you are, whatever you’re doing.
If your body suggests rolling down a grassy hillside, taking flight on a playground swing, or skipping down a winding path – why resist? Its impulses hold the key to our well-being!
Practice these steps for a few days/weeks and share with us your experiences below. Or if you already follow these guidelines, what are some tips you have for others?
And, if you think you can’t seem to get over the “mental hump” that is keeping you from listening to your body, please join me in August for my next Group Call on Healthy Body!
Listening Tips and Traps: How do you rate?
Have you ever noticed how GOOD it feels to be really listened to? It’s impactful, particularly when the listening goes beyond just the words you’re speaking. That kind of artful listening conveys respect and value to the speaker, and promotes positive relationships of all kinds. And, like any art, it takes practice.
According to widely referenced statistics by Dr. Albert Mehrabian, known for his pioneering work in nonverbal communication, only 7% of communication happens through a person’s actual words (38% through tone and 55% through body language). That’s why it’s important to hone our skills to listen at deeper levels.
A good place to start is by understanding the three listening levels described in the book Co-Active Coaching, by Laura Whitworth, Henry Kimsey-House and Phil Sandahl.
Listening Levels
Level 1—Internal: We hear the other person’s words, but our focus is on what it means to us—our thoughts, feelings, judgments and conclusions. We may also be concerned with what the other person thinks of us. This level is useful for checking in with our feelings or to make decisions.
Level 2—Laser-Focused: Our attention is focused like a laser beam on the other person, with little awareness of anything else. With such strong focus, we are curious, open and have little time to pay attention to our own feelings or worry about how we are being received. Mind chatter disappears with such a sharp focus.
Level 3—Global: Our attention is spread out like an antenna with a 360-degree range. It allows us to pick up emotions, energy, body language and the environment itself. Intuition heightens as we tune into the deeper layers of what is going on around us.
All three levels are necessary. However, when we spend too much time in self-focused Level 1 listening, our communication can seriously suffer. Engaging all three levels at once, with more emphasis on Levels 2 and 3, can improve how we listen—and the impact of how we are received.
Listening Blocks
Having spent more than 20 years training business people in listening skills, Richard Anstruther and his team of communication experts at HighGain, Inc., have identified five main listening blocks:
• Tune Out—Listeners are not paying attention to the speaker due to disinterest in the speaker or subject, thinking about other things or multitasking.
• Detach—Listeners are emotionally detached from the speaker, concerned with content only, not the feelings behind it. They may be only half listening, not really interacting, and miss the message’s underlying meaning.
• Rehearse—Listeners are concentrating on what to say or do next, rather than focusing on the speaker’s message.
• Judge—Listeners have a different opinion that causes them to block out new ideas and information or lose track of the conversation. They analyze and interpret the speaker’s delivery or message, missing the point. They criticize, give advice and make assumptions.
• Control—Listeners don’t allow the speaker to talk at his or her own pace. They constantly interrupt with comments or questions, and don’t allow the speaker to finish a point.
Try This!
Below are a few suggestions for honing your listening skills. Enjoy!
1. Experiment with Levels 1, 2 and 3 listening, one at a time, to fully understand the dynamics at each level. Try this in everyday conversation, or practice with someone. Take turns telling a story and listening. The results may surprise you!
2. Spend some time noticing how often you fall into tuning out, detaching, rehearsing, judging or controlling. What can you do to keep from falling into these common traps?
3. In your everyday conversations, or in an intentional practice session with a partner, explore each listening block, one at a time. Notice how you feel and the impact on the person with whom you are communicating.
The first step to developing artful listening is to choose to truly listen. As you continue to develop your listening skills, your communications and your relationships are likely to become increasingly satisfying and rich!
Author’s content used under license, © 2008 Claire Communications
Procrastination—Everyone Talks About It, but Nobody Does Anything
Imagine the space this article fills as blank.Imagine the time and energy it might have taken someone who procrastinates to: 1) think about doing the article, 2) put it on a list of “to dos,” 3) talk about doing it, 4) promise himself he will start it tomorrow, 5) promise himself he will definitely start it tomorrow, 6) promise…well, you get the point.
As the deadline for the article draws near (it’s midnight the night before the article is due), imagine the stress the writer must feel as he brews a pot of coffee and sets himself up for a couple of hours to research the topic, organize the information, create an outline, come up with a dynamite opening line, write the article, rewrite the article, rewrite it again, print it out and rewrite it one more time. And, of course, the whole time he’s beating himself up for waiting so long to start and telling himself he’s no good at this job anyway and the article will be a bust.
This is procrastination in full, weedy flower. Delay. Broken promises and unfulfilled expectations. Feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. Worry. Fear. Stress. Overwork and probably not as good an end product as the writer would have produced if he’d tackled the job in a timely, reasonable, professional manner.
Procrastination isn’t good for anyone, anytime. So why do so many do it? Not just around such matters as filing income tax and completing holiday shopping, but with everyday tasks such as cleaning off the desk or straightening up the garage or starting a project at work.
The more difficult, inconvenient or scary the task is perceived to be, the more procrastinators procrastinate. They come up with semi-convincing self-talk that makes the delay appear reasonable, but in the end it’s a self-defeating behavior that causes all sorts of problems, not the least of which is stress.
Following are a few remedies to overcome procrastination:
1. Set goals. Decide what you want and what needs to happen to get it. Be specific. Create a realistic timetable.
2. Commit. Make a contract with yourself. Tell a friend or co-worker or family member your plan. Ask for help when you need it.
3. Set priorities. Make a list of things that need to be done in order of their importance.
4. Get organized. Have the right tools and equipment to do the job. Make lists. Keep a schedule.
5. Think small. Don’t let the whole of the project overwhelm you. Stay in the present and do what you are doing.
6. Break tasks into parts. The “Swiss cheese” approach to getting any major project completed is to break it apart and work on one piece at a time. Reward yourself when you complete one step.
7. Use positive self-talk.
8. Replace excuses with rational, realistic thinking.
9. Realize there is no such thing as perfection. Begin the thing knowing it can never be done perfectly. You’ll do your best. You always do.
10. Reward yourself. Often and generously for accomplishing the smallest of tasks. Celebrate. Pat yourself on the back. Enjoy your accomplishment.
Like many other self-defeating behaviors, procrastination can be overcome. The place to begin is where you are.
The time to start is now.
Author’s content used under license, © 2008 Claire Communications
Raising Compassionate Kids
How to raise kids who are kind and considerate is a hot topic these days. With so much bullying happening in the world, both in schools and via the Internet, it seems more important than ever to raise kids who can be thoughtful and empathetic towards other people.
Children have an inborn capacity for compassion. Although you can take steps to raise a compassionate child who is kind to others yet strong enough to stand up to hurtful words and actions when necessary, the most important thing to remember is that children may listen to what we say, but they model themselves on how we behave. This means that if you practice and demonstrate compassion (with yourself, your child and the other people in your world), your child is very likely to emulate that behavior.
Here are some ideas to help you integrate compassion into your everyday life in ways that you can share with your child:
Volunteer. Show your child that all people deserve kindness by serving together at a soup kitchen or volunteering with Habitat for Humanity. Let your child choose a volunteer activity that builds on interests they already have (for instance, the Humane Society if they love animals or reading aloud to the blind if they love to read).
Get a pet or a small plot of dirt to cultivate. When a child is invested in the care of another living thing, they learn about nurturing themselves and others and are less likely to engage in bullying. And most pets and plants require time outdoors, so you’ll both get a good dose of fresh air!
Practice listening. Darcia Narvaez, a writer for Psychology Today, says: “…if you are treated with empathy, you will treat others the same way.” When your child is hurting, instead of responses like “keep your chin up” or “boys don’t cry,” invite your child to share his or her feelings. Particularly with younger children, hug them to provide soothing reassurance that it’s okay to experience and express feelings of distress. When they feel loved and fully heard, it will be easier for them to listen to others with an open and compassionate heart.
Limit time with violent video games and television shows. Numerous studies have shown that media violence promotes aggression and desensitizes kids to the consequences of violent behavior.
Travel to a foreign country or a neighborhood very different from your own. Traveling to a place where people have a different culture, language and music shows a child that differences can be both interesting and fun!
Activities that promote compassion mean you’ll be bonding with your child in ways you can both feel good about. In addition, activities like volunteering or growing a garden serve another purpose—they remind both of you that you have something valuable to offer the world. Your child’s growing self-respect can help turn the tide of bullying and the devastating effect that this has on children’s lives.
Think it’s too late for teens and young adults? Think again. It may not be as easy to get their attention away from the things going on in their busy lives, but keep trying. Maybe start with yourself and set the example. When they see how much fun and joy you are getting from it, they may just decide to join you!
And of course, if you are a grandparent, you have eager and willing participants in your grandchildren.
It’s never too late to be a positive influence in the lives of your children (and grandchildren).
Author’s content used under license, © 2008 Claire Communications
The Road to Forgiveness is a Journey Toward Freedom
“If unresolved anger is a toxin to the spirit, forgiveness is the antidote,” wrote Brian Luke Seaward in his book, Stand Like Mountain, Flow Like Water: Reflections on Stress and Human Spirituality.
When people get hurt, they often react with resentment, anger, rage, even hatred. While some of these feelings may be appropriate responses, holding on to them can cause emotional pain and stress. Nurturing old wounds and resentments is like tending weeds in a garden. The more care you give them, the more they take over until there’s no room for the feelings that can nourish you.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning inappropriate behavior and excusing personal violations. It doesn’t mean giving up or hiding or denying what was done. To forgive someone of something doesn’t necessarily mean turning the other cheek so that you can be hurt again. To forgive doesn’t mean you forget that you were harmed. Or that you felt the way you did as a result.
What it does mean is letting go of the feelings of anger or resentment, so that you can get on with your life. Forgiving is a process—sometimes slow—that heals wounds and returns our power to us. So long as we hold onto old feelings, we give control of our lives over to those who have hurt us. Forgiveness sets us free.
Ways to Forgive
It’s not as though you can simply decide to forgive someone and it is done. Forgiving is an active process. To get from here to there is a journey to be traveled. But you don’t have to take it alone. Don’t be afraid to ask for help along the way.
• Acknowledge all the feelings. Though anger and resentment might be on top, beneath may lie feelings of hurt, betrayal, loss and grief. Uncovering these more tender emotions may be painful, but, like curves in the road, it is part of the journey to be traveled.
• Stop blaming. So long as you hold someone else responsible for your feelings or circumstances, you don’t own your own life. You stop blaming by accepting total responsibility for your life.
• Release the desire for revenge. The wish to inflict suffering or pain on the person who hurt us keeps us in a place of suffering and pain. We cannot experience the freedom of forgiveness until we are willing to move away from the need to punish.
• Learn to accept. It’s virtually impossible to stop judging; however, the fewer negative judgments we make, the easier it is to accept. And, according to author Wayne Dyer, “Acceptance is forgiveness in action.” Think of how useless negative judgments are: does it affect the weather because we say it’s awful? Imagine complaining to God about the quality of a sunset. Judgments say very little about the judged, but communicate lots about the one who is doing the judging.
• Decide to confront or not. Talking with the person who has harmed you may or may not be the best action to take. Professional counseling can help you in making this decision.
• Let go. Only through releasing all feelings of anger, resentment, or animosity can forgiveness be unconditional. “Sweet forgiveness cannot hold any taste of bitterness,” says Brian Luke Seaward. “When feelings of anger are released, the spirit once held captive by the encumbrance of anger is free to journey again.”
Self-forgiveness
Forgiveness is not just an outward expression toward others. Turning the open hand of forgiveness inward is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves. When we forgive ourselves we acknowledge our human limitations, release ourselves from our own judgments and practice self-acceptance. These actions are essential for a life of freedom and joy.
Through action or inaction, out of fear, pain or confusion, we may harm ourselves or others. But when we say, “I’ll never forgive myself,” we sentence ourselves to a life of guilt and shame.
Practice self-forgiveness through:
- accepting yourself rather than judging yourself
- honoring yourself rather than blaming yourself
- nurturing yourself rather than criticizing yourself
- releasing the past rather than holding onto it
Forgiveness, even self-forgiveness cannot be forced. And it may not come easily. Like many other skills we must learn, self-forgiveness takes practice. If you are unable to immediately release the past and move on, be forgiving of yourself and continue the practice.
I’d love to hear your thoughts! Share below…
13 Things I’ve Learned Running a Successful Energy Healing Business
I love August, because I have 2 anniversaries! Today is my 34th Wedding Anniversary – woot, woot!
Wow, that is so weird! I look at my hubby, “Dean the dream” (the nickname my Australian students gave him for his awesomely helpful assistance in the classroom) and it feels strange that we’ve been together that long and that so many years have passed so quickly!
During those years we’ve raised (and are still) 5 kids ranging in age from 31 down to 14. They are the loves of our life, and all very different, yet they get along
fabulously.
This past year we’ve added a daughter-in-law AND a son-in-law to our family AND next month we will be adding one more daughter-in-law – Yay! We adore them all, and I consider myself very blessed to call these 9 amazing people my family!
The other anniversary I celebrate this month is my work anniversary. Thirteen years ago I started my first website and have been loving the online entrepreneur life ever since! During these past 13 years, I have stretched, and grown and learned so very much!
So in thinking back over the years, I’d like to share with you….(drum roll please…)
13 Things I’ve learned running a successful Energy Healing business
1. Everybody has a story. Really listen with your ears AND your heart
2. Set and maintain healthy boundaries: with clients AND with work hours.
3. Being confident in what you do helps others believe in it, even if it’s all new to them.
4. Be willing to look at situations from different angles. Inspiration can come from
random interactions –be open minded to what you see, hear, and feel.
5. Stay true to your values. Everyone has a different definition of success, take time early on to determine what it means for you and stick to it.
6. Believe in your abilities and get a great support system who believes in you too–spouse, family, friends, your team, mastermind group-any or all of these work, but don’t try to go it alone.
7. Taking time off is not a luxury it’s a necessity. It is very productive to charge your
batteries. Most often answers and insights come when you give your mind a break from
working.
8. You must find your own balance between moving with the trends and avoiding BSOS
(bright shiny object syndrome). I admit, I still have to watch myself on this one!
9. Outsourcing is your friend. Know where you shine and hire others for the places you
don’t. When hiring someone to do work for you, be super clear on what you want and
when you need it.
10. Accept Change –believe you are always being led to something better. Several years
ago I had to change my company name (not my choice). Although it took me many
months to come up with it, the new name has served me much better!
11. New level, new devil. Trust your gut and be bold! As my friend’s husband, a successful entrepreneur says, “Owning your own business is basically just making decisions continually every day”. Yep, get used to it, and know the “new devil” will show up-at least until you are bold enough to push past him.
12. Don’t accept every invitation – for interviews, networking events, speaking gigs, etc.
Make sure the invitation is not a distraction, but that it’s really in alignment with who you
are and what your brand is. Saying no to one thing is also saying yes to something else.
13. And lastly, in all areas of life and business, a little kindness goes a long way!
I’d love to hear your thoughts on my blog…what valuable lessons have YOU learned in business and in life? Share with us below!
Family Stress Test
Stress is a natural and normal “by-product” of every family’s life. In fact, family stress can bring out the best of us: as we stretch to meet the challenges we face, we become better parents, our children blossom and our families grow. But too much stress can spiral our families in the other direction. Take this Thriving test to see how your family fares.
Set 1
1. There is a lot of bickering in our house. Someone is always angry at someone else.
2. There’s never enough time to sit down together, either to talk or to eat. There’s always too much to do.
3. My spouse and I argue a lot about how to raise the children.
4. It’s like pulling teeth to get the kids to help around the house.
5. Our family has experienced a lot of significant change recently (divorce, death, blending family, job loss, illness, other trauma).
6. Money is very tight. My partner and I have constant conflicts about how to spend it.
7. My child has been having behavioral problems at school.
8. The children get upset when they hear us arguing.
9. I work too much, and it’s really getting to me.
10. We don’t really talk about hard issues; we just try to hold our breath, wait and let them go away.
Set 2
1. We acknowledge feelings, encourage their expression and allow time for dealing with the issues these feelings raise.
2. We plan time for family activities. And we eat together at least once every day.
3. If a blended family, we maintain and nurture original parent-child relationships and let new relationships develop in their own time.
4. I feel confident in my role as parent.
5. Our family easily maintains a sense of humor and playfulness.
6. Family priorities take precedence over work.
7. I know what’s important to my kids.
8. When issues arise that we get stuck on, we ask for help from other family members, support groups, community-based programs, clergy and/or a therapist.
9. We have enough money for the important things.
10. Everyone in the family has responsibilities around the house and does them without being nagged.
If you answered true more often in the first set than in the second set, you may want to seek help lowering the stress level of your family. Families that communicate about problems, who face issues as they arise, who support one another and seek help when it is needed, can build strong bonds among themselves, nurture a healthy and loving family and have a lot more fun doing it!
Have you made some changes in your family that have helped bring you together? Please share with us below!
Author’s content used under license, © 2008 Claire Communications
Body Image—It’s Not What You See, but How You Feel
“If you can learn to like how you look, and not the way you think you look, it can set you free.” — Gloria Steinem
“A woman’s relationship with her body is the most important relationship she’ll ever have,” says health and fitness expert Diana K. Roesch. How sad that often it is not a loving relationship, but rather a relationship that causes insecurity, fear, self-doubt, shame, guilt, low self-esteem, and all too often, self-hatred. It is reported that in the U.S., at least 5–10 million girls and women and 1 million boys and men are struggling with eating disorders—anorexia nervosa, bulimia, or compulsive overeating. Too many people starve, diet, purge, binge and exercise to the point of creating serious health problems.
Most people are at least dissatisfied and at worst even hate some parts of their bodies. This is especially true for women, but men have body image issues, too. The odds of finding a person who doesn’t have at least some body image issues are slim.
How to turn the self-loathing into self-loving? It begins with small, positive steps.
Here are just a few.
• Find at least one thing you like about your body. Write it down. Tomorrow, find another.
• Practice good posture, hold your head high, straighten your shoulders.
• Tell your body how much you appreciate its wondrous abilities.
• Get rid of all the clothes that you don’t like or that make you uncomfortable.
• Challenge the media’s definition of beauty.
• Nourish your body with a healthy diet, regular meals, lots of water.
• Slow down and remember to breathe.
• Move your body; not just exercise, but play, dance, skip, stretch, roll down a grassy hill.
• Pamper yourself with comfortable clothes, soothing beauty rituals.
• Post signs telling yourself how beautiful you are, inside and out.
• Tell your friends how beautiful they are, inside and out.
The way to a positive self-image begins with a conscious choice to make peace with, have gratitude for, and love your body.