Can't Let Go? The Energetic Reason You're Stuck (And How to Release It)
Do you find yourself thinking "I can't let go" over and over again?
Whether you can't let go of a past relationship, a grudge that happened years ago, or the vision of how life was supposed to be—that inability to release what's over can feel excruciating. It can feel as though you're losing a part of yourself.
Maybe you can't let go of someone who hurt you. Maybe it's anger and resentment that you're somehow attached to. Or maybe you can't let go of the past even though you desperately want to move forward.
Here's what most people don't realize: when you can't let go, it's not just a mental or emotional struggle. There's an energetic reason you're stuck.
Letting go can be an empowering act, because it pushes you to develop important resources like courage, compassion, forgiveness, and love. More importantly, holding on to what's no longer serving you keeps stuck energy in your system and lowers your vibration.
And if you've been wondering why certain situations keep triggering you, know that those triggers and your inability to let go are connected—they're both stuck energy patterns that need to be cleared.
Let me explain what's really happening when you can't let go.
The Energetics of "I Can't Let Go"
When you hold onto grudges, past hurts, old relationships, or mistakes—you're not just carrying memories. You're carrying stuck energy.
That anger you're still feeling toward someone who wronged you five years ago? It's living in your cellular memory, lowering your vibration every single day.
That relationship that ended but you can't let go of? The emotional attachment is an energetic cord that's draining your energy and keeping you tied to the past.
That mistake you keep replaying and beating yourself up about? It's keeping you vibrating at the frequency of shame and self-criticism instead of growth and self-compassion.
When you can't let go energetically, you carry it with you everywhere. It affects your relationships, your health, your ability to move forward, and your overall vibration.
Why We Hold On (Even When It Hurts)
Most people think they can't let go because of stubbornness or an inability to forgive. But energetically, there are deeper reasons:
We Think It's Noble to Never Give Up
You've been told your whole life: "Don't be a quitter." "Winners never quit." "Stick with it."
So you stay in unhealthy relationships or situations because giving up feels like failure. You can't let go past the point where it's serving you because letting go feels weak.
But there's a difference between healthy persistence and unhealthy attachment. Sometimes the most self-caring, empowered thing you can do is walk away.
We're Attached to Our Anger
As strange as it sounds, sometimes we don't want to let go of our grudges. The anger gives us a sense of righteousness. It makes us feel like we're the victim and they're the villain. It protects us from having to look at our own role in what happened.
But resentment is one of the lowest vibrations you can hold. Every time you replay what they did to you, you're re-energizing that low-frequency pattern in your system. This is often why you can't let go of someone who hurt you—the anger feels protective, even though it's actually keeping you stuck.
We Fear the Unknown
"I can't let go of what I have when I don't know what will replace it."
This is fear talking. And fear is the lowest vibration of all.
When you cling to what's familiar—even when it's not working—because you're afraid of what comes next, you're choosing the certainty of suffering over the possibility of something better.
You're blocking the flow of new energy into your life because you're holding onto old energy so tightly. This fear is often what keeps people saying "I can't let go of the past in my relationship" even when they know deep down it's time to move on.
It's Stored in Our Cellular Memory
Sometimes we can't let go because the pattern of holding on is inherited or deeply programmed.
If your parents never let anything go, if your family held grudges for decades, if you learned that forgiveness equals weakness—that pattern is stored in your cellular memory as "how we do things."
You're not just holding a grudge about this one thing. You're living out an inherited pattern of never letting go.
What Happens When You Can't Let Go
When you can't let go of what's no longer serving you, here's what happens energetically:
Your vibration drops. Grudges, resentment, dwelling on the past, fear—these are all low-frequency emotions. When you carry them, you vibrate at that frequency and attract more of the same.
Your energy gets stuck. Energy needs to flow. When you can't let go, you create blocks in your energy field. Nothing new can come in because you're full of old, stagnant energy.
You give your power away. When you can't let go of what someone did to you, they're still controlling your emotional state years later. When you can't let go of a past relationship, you're not fully available for a new one. When you can't let go of a mistake, you're letting that past version of yourself define who you are now.
You stay tied to the past. Energetically, you're still connected to what happened before. And as long as you're tied to the past, you can't fully move into the present or create your future.
How to Actually Let Go (When You Can't Let Go)
If you're struggling with thoughts like "I can't let go," you need to understand that letting go isn't just a decision you make with your mind. You have to release it energetically.
Here's how to let go of the past and move forward:
Allow Yourself to Fully Feel the Emotions
You can't release what you haven't acknowledged. If you're still hurt, angry, grieving—feel it. Don't bypass it. Don't spiritually bypass it by pretending you're "over it" when you're not.
When negative emotions arise, allow yourself to fully experience all your feelings. Cry. Journal. Talk to someone. Get it out of your system.
Often, just acknowledging and validating what the disturbance is allows the negative energy to dissipate. This is a crucial step in learning how to let go of hurt and betrayal.
Recognize That Holding On Hurts You, Not Them
That person you're holding a grudge against? They're probably not thinking about you at all. They're living their life while you're carrying the heavy energy of resentment every single day.
That relationship you can't let go of? The other person has moved on. You're the only one still energetically tied to something that's over.
Letting go isn't for them. It's for you. It's about releasing YOUR energy so you can be free.
Find a Way to Forgive
As I wrote in my forgiveness post, forgiveness doesn't mean what they did was okay. It doesn't mean you have to reconcile or trust them again.
Forgiveness means releasing the emotional charge so it's no longer lowering your vibration.
Sometimes you need to forgive the other person. Sometimes you need to forgive yourself. Either way, forgiveness is how you cut the energetic cords that are keeping you tied to the past. This is essential when you're learning how to let go of the past and be happy.
Accept What IS
Although keeping the status quo may feel safer, real peace comes from accepting what is—even when it's sad, even when it's not what you wanted.
The relationship ended. The person died. The dream didn't work out. The mistake happened.
You can't change what already happened. But you can choose whether to keep carrying it energetically or release it and move forward.
Acceptance doesn't mean you like it. It means you stop resisting reality, which creates flow instead of stuck energy. This is the foundation of how to let go of the past psychology—acceptance shifts you out of resistance.
Clear the Pattern Energetically
If you've tried to let go and you just can't—if you keep coming back to the same anger, the same hurt, the same attachment—it's because the pattern is stored in your cellular memory.
You can't just think your way out of it. You have to clear it energetically.
Through energy work, we can:
Release stuck emotions from past hurts
Clear inherited patterns of holding grudges
Cut energetic cords to people or situations
Shift your vibration from resentment to peace
When the energy is cleared, letting go happens naturally. You just... don't carry it anymore. This is often the missing piece when people say "I can't let go" despite trying everything else.
Signs You're Learning to Let Go
You'll know you're healing when:
You can think about the person or situation without the emotional charge
You feel lighter, like you've put down a heavy burden
You have space for new people and experiences in your life
You're making choices based on growth, not fear
You can forgive—yourself and others—and truly mean it
You understand that leaving behind what's not working is the most self-caring thing you can do
These shifts don't come from forcing yourself to "get over it." They come from doing the deeper work of releasing the stuck energy that's been holding you back.
You Don't Have to Keep Carrying What's Already Over
Whatever you're holding onto—the grudge, the relationship, the mistake, the vision of how things should have been—it's weighing you down energetically.
And you don't have to carry it anymore.
If you've been trapped in the cycle of "I can't let go," I want you to know: letting go doesn't mean you're weak. It doesn't mean you're giving up or that what happened didn't matter.
Letting go means you're choosing to free your energy so you can use it for something better.
It means you're choosing to raise your vibration instead of staying stuck in the past.
It means you're reclaiming your power instead of giving it to what's already over.
And when you do that—when you truly release what's no longer serving you—you create space for what IS meant for you to flow in.
What are you still holding onto that's keeping you stuck? What would it feel like to finally let it go? Share in the comments if you're comfortable—sometimes stating your intention to release is the first step toward freedom.
